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"I refuse"
Itadori gently lowered himself onto his bed, his fingers gripping at the edge of the mattress to hold him steady. He tried to regulate his breathing yet it continued to come in short, ragged gasps. It felt like his heart was being crushed. He wanted to shout and curse and cry, but nothing came out.
"How very amusing! You'd offer your pride, your future, your everything to try to rely on me..."
Somehow, old memories had crept on him. Overwhelmed by the vision of that night, he found himself curled up on his bed with his temple resting against the cool metal of his phone, right on top of the cushion where he'd dropped the phone a few minutes earlier. At least he thought it was a few minutes.
"And you can't save anything!"
Those words were resonating around him and he grabbed his pounding head. It was loud. Too loud to not hold any truth. He promised to save his friend, promised to save the others. And now there he was after killing them. Curled up in bed, useless and terrified.
"Yuji..."
Itadori's eyes snapped open. It was dark, the clock on his bedside table reading 2:51. The pain in his heart came back. His breathing was shaky as he shifted around to turn on the bedside lamp. He couldn't bear the dark. He felt so heavy. His head felt so heavy as he lowered it into his hands, gasping in surprise when he felt the water on his palms.
"Why?"
The realization broke the dam, and the tears that he wanted to prevent earlier flowed freely and abundantly now. Even so, the room was still plunged into a long silence as Itadori pressed his hand on his mouth to stifle any whimpers that might wake his neighbors.
His other hand was gripping on the sheet when he felt cold metal landing onto it. He glanced down at his phone for a few seconds.
He needed her.
Itadori hadn't even realized he'd picked up the phone and dialed until he heard Y/N's sleepy voice in his ear. His other hand left his mouth to let his interlocutor hear his distress. He couldn't trust himself to speak at the moment.
"Yuji?" called Y/N, worry seeping in her voice "Did something happened?"
He had no idea where to start.
"Hello?"
He had no idea what to tell.
"Yuji?"
He had no idea why he called.
"Yuji, please" he could hear the panic taking over in her tone "Talk to me."
Itadori tried to speak but nothing came out. The words died somewhere in his throat, suffocated by the sobs and whimpers.
He hung up.
"I need you..." he finally let out as he let his head fall in his hands once again, tossing his phone back onto his bed.
He had no idea how long he'd sat on the side of his bed staring at the floor when a knock on the door shook him out of his daze. Did Megumi wake up? Was he too loud?
Itadori bit hard on his lip to prevent any sound. He approached slowly the door and just as he was about to put his hand on the doorknob, he heard a faint whisper.
"Please, open the door Yuji"
Recognizing her voice, the boy immediately opened the door and lunged into her arms.
Y/N eyes fixed their worried gaze on him as her hands found the back of his neck. She could feel his fear by how desperately he was clinging onto her shirt. So many thoughts were rushing in her brain but she forced herself to push them aside for the time being.
Itadori pulled her as close as physically possible. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself in the safety of her arms where he would be able to let his guard down. Y/N ran her hands through his hair while she let him cry, planting light kisses on his shoulder and neck.
They stayed like that for a few minutes until Itadori's tears cut and he reluctantly pulled himself away. Y/N didn't let him get too far though as she gripped his arm and gently dragged him over to his bed, closing the door in the process.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly as she sat at the side, dragging him down with her and resting his head on her chest so that she could wrap her arms around his shoulders.
Itadori took a deep breath and managed to mumble "I don't think I can." His voice sounded so broken to his own, he couldn't imagine how bad it sounded to her.
However, she didn't seem to mind as she whispered "That's alright. Just know I'm here when you're ready to talk". Y/N held him tighter and kissed the top of his head.
They didn't share another word after that, only Y/N providing small caresses to reassure she was there for him.
