I've rewritten this and deleted this and came back to this a hundred times but I can't stop thinking about what this could have been. You really were my first reciprocated love.
I wish you were older, I wish you had more experience on your back or some trauma or something to make you realize that love is more than just words. There is love beyond your mother tucking you in at night or playing catch with your dad. It's chasing your little brother around the yard and going on drives with your sister or holding my hand in target because it's comfortable because you love me and it doesn't matter as long as it's me. that's the way I felt about you. When I took you out to dinner and we walked around aimlessly and when we stood under that fucking watermelon gazebo and you hugged me like you loved me. When you smelled me and sat with me in choir and touched my thighs and appreciated my body for what it is. when you cried when we broke up. when I told you I couldn't talk to you. when my life just fucking dies every time bon iver comes on. when you told me "do what's best for you even if it's what's the worst for me."
I'll never stop loving you. Do you at least understand that?
