The Honor of Beasts

Chapter Four

  I knock on the queen's sunroom with Delilah and my personal guard behind me. After a moment my mother's maid answers. Curtsying she says, "Good afternoon, your Highness."

I give her a nod as I pass by and enter the deliciously smelling sunroom containing my mother's guests. Only women. The moment they see me they immediately stand up and curtsy, except for my mother of course; who just sends me a smile. They greet me as I pass them to the queen. The moment I sit, a servant offers me a cup of tea with sweets.

Every year before my birthday or just whenever my aunts or other important guests visit our palace, my mother likes to host a tea party in her sunroom. Unlike my mother, I don't like these gatherings. They're all just small talk with judging relatives and gossiping women. At least the food is always good. The women around me are already asking about what I'll be wearing to my birthday ball -which is in three days-, about the Blood Games and if I'm ready to win and what would I do if I did. They're all smiles and seem to care about me — well, maybe some of my aunts do — but I'm sure if I lose and get sent into exile I would be nothing to them. It would be as if I never existed, they wouldn't care or pretend to. Or I may just die and...

The afternoon passes excruciatingly slow, I feel like I've been here an entire day when really it's only been an hour and a half. As I'm pondering whether to take a chocolate truffle or raspberry cream puff someone calls my name.

"Princess Rosalia!" A cheerful voice exclaims from behind me. I take a raspberry cream puff, turn around and pause as I recognize the woman in front of me. Narjis. I haven't seen her in...maybe 5 years. But wow has she changed. Her mass of luscious dark curls hangs elegantly around her golden brown shoulders. Her green hazel eyes gleam as she walks towards me with her red lips lifted up in a dazzling smile showing her pristine white teeth. No longer the cute baby faced girl I used to play with.

When she reaches me she throws her arms around me. The aroma of a field of daffodils meets my nose. She always smells like daffodils — as it corresponds to her name— , at least that didn't change. And apparently her too nice, optimistic personality.

"Oh Rosey, how I've missed you!" She says once she lets me go. Rosey. I want to gag, I hate that name.

"Me too Narjis! I didn't know you were coming, it's been too long!"

"I couldn't miss your la- birthday! Come, we have so much to catch up on." She motions me to some pillows in the corner.

She was going to say "last birthday", as if she thinks I'll lose. I quickly chew the creampuff, grab the chocolate truffle and follow her. Or maybe she just meant my last birthday before the games. Or maybe my last birthday with Demetri. Or maybe I'm overthinking. I never really liked her before — maybe because, as much as I hate to admit it, I was too busy being jealous — and I don't think I'll start anytime soon.

Narjis tells me about all the wonderful things she did during the last 5 years. She went to live in her mother's city, Dolis, a desert-like place southeast of here. She tells me stories, talks about the people, and what she did over there. She seems really happy, like she always does. An overfilled bucket of smiles, I always used to think whenever I saw her. After she basically tells me her life's story, she expects me to do the same. But even if I was as talkative as her, I wouldn't have much to tell. Nothing really happened. Just training or studying. Envy nags at the edge of my mind but I try to ignore it. Sighing, I look away. My life's boring compared to hers.

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As I'm about to leave, my mother calls out for me. Everyone has left. It's just mother, the servants, Delilah — who was standing near me the whole time, like always — and me. Mother pats the spot next to her and I go to her. Once I sit she examines me for a moment, then gently moves a strand of hair behind my ear.

"How are you, my dear?" she asks softly.

I open my mouth to tell her I'm fine, I'm excited for my birthday ball and the games, I'm doing well, and all those other lies I told the guests.

But all that comes out is, "I'm tired," I lean backward sighing and rest on the silk cushions. "I'm just so tired of everything."

She runs her elegant hand through my wavy hair. "It's almost here and you'll be done. You'll become queen before you know it."

I'm never sure if mother is just overconfident in my abilities or just roots for me because father roots for Demetri. Either way she's on my side and always will be.

"Narjis returned, I thought that would make you happy," she says thoughtfully.

No it did not. In fact it made me worse. 

"She told me about what she had been doing in Dolis." I pause for a moment. Then, taking a deep breath continue. "In that moment, after I heard all that she did, all the fun that I would never have, all the freedom that I would never enjoy, I realized...I realized how truly dull my life has been. How it's all just been centered around the damn Blood Games!!" I raise my hands up in exasperation, my voice getting louder with each word.

"I'm trapped in a cycle of just waking up, eating, training, studying, sleeping! I rarely do anything else. Just training for some silly games! And what if I lose...then I would have wasted my whole life for nothing. Everything I did would have been for nothing. Everyday I had woken up and trained would have been for nothing!" I say nothing for a few seconds as I try to calm down. 

Then glancing at my mother I whisper with my voice cracking, "Then I...I would be nothing. And it's not fair. It's just not fair."

Mother comes closer and wraps her arms around me. "Oh Rosa darling," she says into my hair, she stays silent after that for a moment. "Everything you did and are still doing is for a purpose. Do not give up before the games, do not break down, do not think like this, only then everything you did would have been for nothing." Stroking my hair, she continues, "Velidia needs a strong, caring queen. A queen that will make Velida one of the great again, not arrogant kings who do not care. You will win and then you'll have the rest of your life to do whatever you want." She brings her forehead to mine and smiles, "Besides, either way, you'll always be everything to me."

She wipes a tear from my cheek, stares at me for a moment then leans back. We sit like that for a few more minutes in comfortable silence. Just mother and daughter, enjoying each other's company.

 As I stand up to leave, she asks, "Now, what will you do?"

With a determined smile, I meet her shining green eyes and reply, "I will win and I will become queen of Velidia."

She nods, her lips lifting up in a satisfied smile. "Yes, that's more like it."