Black hightop sneakers and boys with devious smirks

Chapter Five: that awkward english boy

For Alec, the ride in the ambulance was agonizing. His heart beat ferociously and thudded against his ribcage repeatedly, he felt as though he were the one being injected with epinephrine and not Mackenzie.
He felt guilty however gazing upon her face, he almost couldn't bear to look at her, almost but not quite. If only he'd been nice to her, if he hadn't pitted the two against each other, if he hadn't put her in a volatile persons warpath. Then maybe they wouldn't be here.
Alec sighed, contemplating situations of the past wouldn't help anyone who didn't happen to possess a time machine. He watched helplessly as the paramedics fretted over Mackenzie, what had he done?
It was painful for him to endure the long ambulance ride, and although Mackenzie was clearing enduring some major physical pain the emotion turmoil and guilt that Alec was going through was torturous indeed.
He glanced at the paramedics and found himself wondering if they knew the way he had hurt her, what he lacked to prevent, would they still let him be here?
"How far away are we" Alec inquired of the driver, who sped down the road all sirens blaring. "ETA is four minutes" the driver spoke cursing as he hit a bump in the road and Mackenzie hissed in pain.
Alec turned away unable to face her and her evident pain.
3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute, each minute ticked by painfully slowly so that Alec almost felt relieved as the ambulance pulled to to the hospital, the sirens quieted and Mackenzie was pulled out of the vehicle.
3...2...1, the paramedics counted down giving Mackenzie a moment to prepare herself to be lowered out of the vehicle and to venture into the dangerous halls of the hospital.
Alec felt useless and out of place in the hospital as the paramedics checked her in and placed her in a room.
But the moment their friends arrived almost like a group panicked giving their condolences or rushing to say goodbye, Alec panicked. I can't do this he thought I have to get out of here.
So he did, Alec rushed passed the group and out the doors. Moments later he found himself sitting on the curb outside the hospital the cool air brushing against his skin. But somehow it felt like he couldn't breathe, he felt like a knife twisting in his gut, and he hated himself for feeling that way.
He was supposed to be sitting beside her, trying to help her. What could he do anyway? He sighed running a hand through his hair
Alec was never comfortable with hospitals not since his mom. His mom battled cancer for years finically succumbing to the disease when he was 13.
hospitals brought out the worst, most insecure and unpredictable side of him. The side that he carefully hid behind his cold exterior everywhere else. But, being here, he was acutely aware of the promises he made to his mother. promises to be kind, to be helpful and to make a difference. These promises in which he had failed in practise, it was easier to promise his dying mother then to actually do it when she was gone. And the only difference he seemed to have made was his contribution that led to a girl being sent to the hospital. Not the difference his mother had intended he was sure.
He felt a sigh as someone, legs clad in scrubs sat down beside him. He turned to face her, his mothers nurse and best friend. "it's hard being back here, huh" she said her voice as kind and riddled with worry as he remembered it. Alec shrugged; "I just needed some air". Even as he spoke them the words felt like lies on his lips, he was scared of the whole place. It was this terrifying place that swallowed up his mother and after years of fighting, suddenly she was gone. He understood it wasn't like that, he knew that his mother was sick long before she came to this hospital. But she died here. He resented the entire place for that.
There was a heavy silence that accompanied the brisk sure wafting through Alec's hair. An unsure look crosses Becca, his mothers friend and nurse's face as she speaks. " She's been asking for you, that girl." Alec felt as though a a weight was lifted from his soldiers. "She's awake?" He asked " awake and calling for you, I wouldn't make the girl wait if I were you".
When Alec approached her room peering through the glass, he noticed that she was peacefully sleeping.
Alec approached her bedside and held hands with her hand age clad hand. after moments of looking at her he broke. " I'm so sorry." he spoke words dripping with emotion. "I can't do this"his voice cracked.
A sullen face and slumped shoulders he walked away, ashamed and weighed down by guilt.