Tankdad and Pico!

Chapter 6: Trauma.

Picos P.O.V
It's been two weeks since the 'incident'. I keep having nightmares, i can't even sleep peacefully. Loud noises have started scaring me. I remember the gunshots, the screams, so vividly..I'm positive they'll never leave.

I've been taken out of school, i can't go back there without...Without remembering it all again. I've been doing homeschool. My babysitter is basically my teacher as well.

Dad was home for the first week, now he comes home in the evenings, most of the time at least. Nene has visited twice, she's been going to therapy. I don't want to though. I'm scared they'll think i'm crazy.

I also can't sleep unless i'm with Dad. His heartbeat is the only way i can sleep without nightmares, usually at least.

I always feel like i'm in danger. Like it's still happening, and hanzou or someone is just around the corner. I asked Dad if i could have a gun with me, it makes me feel at least a little more safe. So i usually have an UZI, it's one of the guns my Dad and his coworkers don't use much. Would i say coworkers? I don't really know.

I'm currently watching the tv. A show that me and Darnell used to watch comes on. I switch channels. I miss him a lot. I went to his funeral, it was the first funeral i've ever been too. It feels wrong. Weird. Just a few days ago Darnell would of been sat next to me in class, neither of us paying too much attention, just talking. I can't help but cry a bit. The only friend i have left is Nene. I know she feels the same. It's just..Lonely. Sad. I wish someone else was still with me too. Maybe Keith, but i'm glad he left. If he didn't he would be like the others. Dead.

I remember Keith saying before he left, that we could always facetime or call. I still have his number in my phone. I look to my right, on the sofa seat next to me, and stare at my phone. On the day of the 'incident' i left it at home by accident. I wish i brought it with me. I could of called for help, before it was too late. I glare at it. If only i remembered to bring it. Maybe some others would still be alive. Maybe i wouldn't of had to kill them...I killed them.. Those words echo through my head.

I killed Cyclops, Hanzou, Cassandra...At least i let Alucard live..I'm not completely a monster. I...I had to do it... I grab my hair roughly, bringing my knees up to my chest, and rest my forehead on them. I had to do it. I had to kill them. I KILLED them! I'm a...A murderer! I killed them!

Tears stream down my cheeks, before falling off my chin. I sob, I'm pathetic. I KILLED THEM. I fucking killed them! I say i had to but, did i really? Probably not! It's all my fault! I hear screams and gunshots. I let go of my hair and cover my ears, it not doing anything. "Stop! Stop!!", i shout. Bang, AARGH!, BANG BANG!

I know it's not real....This happens so often. But...It feels so real! "St-stop please..", i cry.

I hear a door opening and shutting, but i can't hardly hear it over the screams. "S-stop..", i sob, hiccuping because of my crying. BANG! BANG! ARGH! STOP! Is all i can hear. The shouts from my dying classmates, the gunshots. It's like i'm still there.

I press my shaking hands closer to my ears. They're all dead. I-It's my fault! It's all my fault!..

I feel a gloved hand rub my back soothingly. I feel a little calmer, and the sounds get less loud. I shakily move my head up to look at where the hand comes from. I see my Dad, though the tears make him blurry. I can barely make out what he's saying, "It's okay. You're safe. It's not your fault, trust me.", i think he says.

I lean to my left, so i can lean into him. He hugs me softly, turning off the tv. His hand rubs my back in circles. I move my hands from my ears and rest my head against his vest, where his head would be. Bang. Argh. It's still there, the sounds. But they're quieter. I focus on his heartbeat. Boom, boom. Boom, boom. My panic begins to lowly leave, as the sounds get quieter and quieter. My shaking stops shortly after, my breathing relaxing back to normal.

"Are you okay now Pico?", Dad asks.
"Yeah..Thank you.", i say.
"Do you wanna talk about what happened? If not that's fine.", he asks.
"Just...", i hesitate, "My thoughts again.", i say.

"What triggered them? You can just point if you want.", he asks.
"My phone. It's dumb really, i was just gonna call Keith. This is so dumb, i'm sorry.", i apologise. All because i couldn't remember to bri- My thoughts get interrupted.

"It's not dumb. None of this is dumb. And none of it is your fault. This is just your reaction to trauma, and that's okay. It'll get better. Trust me, most of the people i know have trauma, and they all deal with it a different way. This is just your way.", he reassures me. "Can i do anything to help?", he asks.
"Not really.", i respond.

I sit back up, and grab my phone. Pausing, trying to remember what i had my passcode as, before opening it. "I'm gonna call Keith, i'll be in my room if you need me.", i say, standing up.
"Yeah okay. I'll be down here if you need me. Have fun kiddo!", Dad says as i walk upstairs to my room.

I shut my door before sitting on my bed. I open my contacts and hesitate. Would he even WANT to talk to me? I shake my head, trying to get rid of my thoughts, before standing up and opening my window. I go on Keith's contact and hit call, not giving myself any more time to talk myself out of this.

Ring, ring, ring, ring. It goes on for a while. But eventually he answers.

"Hello Pico!! We haven't talked in WEEKS! How are you?", Keith says, his voice is familiar and soothing.
"H-Hey,", I sound so dumb. "I'm...Uh. Surviving i guess. Hardly, but i am.", i say.
"Hey are you okay? You sound upset.", he asks. Oh he doesn't know.
"Did you not hear?.."
"Hear what?", he asks innocently.
"Two weeks ago..A incident happened. It was all over the news, i thought you knew?", i tell him.
"I'm not allowed to watch the news.", he says.
"Oh. Well..Uhm..Cassandra and the goth punks kinda...Shot up the school. Only me and Nene survived. Oh and Alucard, but he's in jail now...", i say. It's your fault. You could of saved them. You killed the other goth punks! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!

"O-oh..I'm...Im so sorry. I didn't know. Are you um...Hurt?", he asks.
"No. Well, physically, haha.", i begin shaking lightly. Another episode? Jesus.
"I'm always a call away if you ever need me. I could also visit! I can ask my parents! Or maybe you could visit me?", he suggests.
"Yeah. I'd like that. Thanks. Wanna play videos games?", i ask.
"Sure!", he replies.

For the rest of the night we just play on our PCs. I'd rather that then sleep anyway. It was nice.