Like Brother Like Sister

Chapter 32: It's Hope.

From experience whenever someone dies, it hurts, it hurts you in places you never knew you had, it emotionally destroys you, blames you, angers you, hurts you.

It's not even the part that misses them that kills you, it's the part that knows they're gone, they're gone and they'll never come back.

They won't come back and hold you, won't come back fight, won't come back just to whisper comforting words, won't come back to tell you off when you do something wrong, won't come back to dry your tears, they just disappear and every single day in life you just have to go without them, with that whole in your hearts, an empty space, a void, which was taken by that person.

Which for me was taken by Axel.

I wasn't ready for him to leave, even if he left protecting me, I don't think I was ever ready for the day Axel wouldn't be here.

I meant it when I said he was my brother, just as Lucien, maybe more.

Sometimes I still can't believe he's gone, I still can't believe Axel is gone.

I still can't believe how much it fucking hurts.

I still can't believe I am the reason he died.

It's hard to turn the page, especially when you know the person who gave you the best memories, becomes a memory, and I didn't want to deal with it, I didn't want to deal with the same pain I felt when my dad died ever again.

Yet here I was, trying to stop my tears as I drove, Axel's dead body in the back and Lucien's tortured one beside me, occasionally letting out grunts of pain which just made it harder.

Would it be easier if instead of driving to nowhere to escape, I drove off a cliff?

Stars...Axel used to consol me with this old tale- myth actually of stars-

Dead souls becoming stars, my brain never really believed it but that didn't mean it didn't bring me comfort.

Or maybe it was his embrace, around me like a cocoon of protection and love, which I will never feel again.

My hands gripped the steering face, lip biting back sobs and eyes blinking away tears as I sped through the roads.

Or maybe it was Axel's voice which I will never hear again.

I couldn't help the tear which rolled down as I slowed down, wiping my eyes, it wasn't safe, Axel would frown at it.

Or maybe it was when he scolded softly every time I cursed or not so softly when I almost died.

I couldn't help but glare at him-
His dead body through the mirror.

"You selfish dick" I started "I know I did something wrong but going ahead and dying for me? What the actual fuck is wrong with you."

Was wrong.

Was wrong.

I shook my head with a sniffle as I sped up again.

This was no time to cry, it would only distract me, and get us killed and Axel would have taken that bullet for nothing.

He'd have given his life for nothing.

I dried my eyes with the back of my right hand.

No time to cry.

~Flashback~

I was cold, so fucking cold, middle of December and we had only one layer of clothes, my knees buckled almost giving away as I made my way towards Axel, lying on the ground, his own T-shirt torn, his skin bubbling where they put acid-