After I got home from my Taco Bell lunch with Rachel I sat in my bed for a little while and went on my computer to edit a few videos. I thought about what Rachel said. Listen to your heart. That was the most sensible thing I have taken in during this whole thing. I can't have other people help me because they don't live inside of me, they don't know how I think and how I feel. I need to decide this by myself. What was my heart saying? Talk to him? Ignore him? I have to choose. It's all up to me. I mean let's be real here I want a lover. I need somebody. I want children and a happy family. But I need a man for that. He seemed like a pretty ligit guy, but you never know. But the one thing I haven't done is check out his YouTube channel. This will reveal a lot about him. I just realized that I don't know what he looks like. This will be my first time seeing his face. For some WIERD reason, I wasn't ready. It was like something was holding me back from seeing his face. I was scared to watch his videos. I wanted him so bad that I didn't even have to watch his videos to know it. There, I said it. I like him. I need him. I love him. It was so hard to watch his videos. I got this feeling inside that is undiscribable and can never me told to a human ear. I saw him finally. A brown to blond hair color. A scruffy beard. He must have just shaved about a week ago. He vlogged. Him and his friend Arnold we're going to the movies and then out for dinner after. He kept talking to his fans saying "What's Up Internet." It made him have character. Made him more interesting. The most important thing that I saw and immediately hit my like a ton of bricks. His voice had a country twang that made him even cuter. But that meant he lived in a Sourthen State. Texas. 21000 miles away.
