To Try Our Souls: PART I OF 'TO CURSE THE DARKNESS' (Kylo x Reader)

Resolve

My sleepy gaze roamed tiredly down the list of cases on my datapad that represented the day's rounds: Patient FO-3188 - Third-Degree Burns: Debridement #2; Patient JB-2789 - Ocular Fracture: Enucleation/Implant; Patient FN-4186 - Compound Fracture - Tibia: Follow-Up; Follow-up; Follow-up...

I took a deep swig of caf as I stood up and the ache in my loins reminded me of the rude awakening that I'd received today at the hands of Kylo Ren. I'd dealt with overzealous supervisors and conniving colleagues throughout my career with the First Order, but was this what my life would be like from now on? An unending stream of abuse and mistreatment from an insane superior? I dreaded returning to his quarters later in the day, but I knew I would have to check in on him later to do the grafts he needed. I scheduled the debridement for the morning, Kylo before noon, and the ocular fracture and follow-ups for the afternoon.

As I worked on FO-3188, I wished he was the only one I was going to have to perform surgery on for the day and that I could return to my bunk, curl up in my blankets and sleep peacefully, undisturbed and unmolested. The patient flinched as I lasered away a particularly nasty bit of tissue.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "almost done." He merely nodded, seemingly grateful for the care he was receiving, unlike the miserable blackguard who used me like a medical concubine every chance he got. My patient's wounds tended, I turned him back over to active duty with discharge instructions and once again loaded my medkit for my private client. A forgotten task suddenly resurfaced, and I headed to Dentley's office.

"Captain?" I called at his day room door.

"Sharva, come in," he replied. "What's on your agenda for today?"

Referring to my data pad, I rattled off my day's cases. "Actually," I said sheepishly, "I need something for myself."

"Oh?" he asked curiously.

"I need you to sign off on some, um..." I tried to broach the topic delicately but was having trouble finding the right words.

"Out with it, Sharva, I haven't got all day," he sighed.

"Prophylactics, Captain," I answered testily. "I need to put a reproductive protocol in place."

He dropped his datapad to his desk, stunned. "You what?" he asked in disbelief.

I set my medkit down on the floor and sat in the chair facing his desk. "He's been... taking... liberties, Sir," I replied quietly. "I haven't been doing anything for myself since Varryl died," I explained, "I haven't needed to."

Captain Dentley rubbed his chin characteristically, examining me as if he was wondering which was worse – potentially divulging the nature of my relationship with Kylo Ren should anyone discover I was sexually active, or my being with child should I fail to protect myself. He seemed pained that I was in the position in which I now found myself.

"Sharva, we can't do this without the chance you'll be discovered by High Command, you know that," he warned me.

"I do, Captain, but what else can I do?" I asked desperately.

"I have an idea," he snarled angrily as he drew up a new screen on his datapad.

"Wait, Captain," I exclaimed, alighting upon a new solution, "sterilization."

Captain Dentley's jaw dropped as he shook his head, "Sharva, no!" he exclaimed.

"Why not, Captain?" I argued. "The Empire had done it for years, not just for enlisted, but officers as well!"

"NO, Sharva, you've been through enough!" Dentley hissed.

"I have no choice, Sir," I continued my supplication. "I can't afford the alternative, I just can't. Varryl is gone, I'll never have children now, anyway. I'm too old to start."