The Girl Through The Viewfinder

you may feel the same way

Our summer semester has just begun. I'm walking my way all the way to the cafeteria when i come across her, I tried my best not to catch her gaze, not because i wanted to avoid it as well, but I just can't really look at her after that night.

And in actuality, i know she's eager to talk to me, now that the long spring break is over. We may have think about the things that happened through, however, the circulation changes in instant. I don't know whether to believe that this is one of the consequences, or it is still me doing the best i can to save this friendship.

Perhaps, my selfishness did has overtaken me by just giving her more of the time to be able to grasp things even deeper with how she truly feels about me.

And that's exactly what i wanted to happen. Yet, i could not really constrain the feeling of this turning out as just a one-sided kind of love. Pushing her with these selfish feelings of mine, i will never get myself to do that. I still somehow wish for our friendship to remain the same.

That night after, I went back to the ranch. I can't just ditch my friends out even we still have a week to clean things up. And I just came back to town that night because i was worried about her.

I could have just called her, though that defeats the purpose not being able to talk to each other on phones. Where i know it'll only make things more complicated.

I met Russel when we finally got back from out of town, and he told me that Autumn clearly didn't remember anything about that night, so whatever happened, she doesn't remember any of it. Neither did my out of the blue arrival to the frat party.

And while we were conversing that time, Rus was actually on his phone and forgot that Fiona's on the line; she heard all of it. So, he gave the phone to me as she wanted a word with me.

I, aside wanting to keep it a secret that night from autumn, it wouldn't be that easy to keep things from her closest friend, until she approves that i'm being reasonable apart wanting things to stay like this.

However, it didn't end there.

'Okay, I don't know if anything happened that night, I'll have to guess she was too drunk to even talk and considering that nothing's right still. But just a favour of favours. Let her talk to you and hear what she feels about it. Instead of doing things one-sided even so you see things between you one-sided too.'

I felt like I crash into a wall when she gave me an advice where she knows absolute that autumn been seeking opportunities for the both of us to speak about the matter, yet, i keep being childish running away from and continuously avoiding her.

'I know it's hard for you to be any nearer to her, but don't you think it's time to settle things for this long?'

Despite that, i still kept my distance for awhile. Autumn may not remember everything, but i do. Whenever i see her, the kiss i never expected keeps flashing back to me. The way I kissed her back which i shouldn't have, I was scared of what i could have done to her if we didn't stop.

The way she looked at me, how she breathlessly needed air to breathe in and how the atmosphere intensely heats up all of the sudden. It was all too dangerous.

I wouldn't want something to happen if she's too drunk to be conscious about what was happening, what we're doing. And what she really feels about me without forcing anything on her. Where as the sun rises by tomorrow, she won't recall a single thing that has happened between us.