What matters

Chapter twenty

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
💗
Hey lovies,
Love you all and thank you for giving my book a chance.
At the moment we are only 180 views but i appreciate everyone of you.
Maybe with your help this book will have more views in the future.
If i can thank each and every one of you i will 💗.
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MIA

I have been silent the whole time. Why do i have a feeling that it won't be just this time, month or year.

Feeling devastated is an understatement. I feel like i am dead. A breathing human but dead inside. And with every minute passing i feel more and more dull.

"Mimi it happened long time ago let's just be grateful that god saved you" how can i feel grateful when i feel like my better half the one i though who was my soulmate, my every thing dead and because of me.

I didn't visit him at all, even at his funeral i stood outside I couldn't face his mom, she was an angel she knew what we were doing and she knew it was wrong but any way she stood by out side and never failed to make us feel safe.

My own mom didn't know anything. My whole family didn't know, mason knew when the trouble was already done.

Mason knew him and they were good friends, but what happened affected me more I can't function when i am at this state.

He was my first kiss.

I didn't tell Theo that i had my first kiss before him because i didn't want him to ask. I didn't want him to bring the past back.

Maybe i was running from the pain, maybe i was running from everything that will lead back to him.

We were best friends for six years straight. He was the one who made me love bikes not just my dad , he had a dream that i want to achieve only for him.

One of the main reasons that I don't want to go into college was because of this dream it was ours.
We were unseparated every one knew who we were we but not with our real names.

He was an angel sent from above, he was my every thing. I can't stop the hurt that is rising inside of me.

A knock on the door cut my thoughts, "hey" mason said looking at me, "okay so we will leave you both, we will be downstairs mimi just shout for as and we will come" Lexi said as her and rose went downstairs.

"How are you?" Mason said looking at the floor, i feel like he is avoiding the whole situation i am in, "fine" i said not bothering to look at him.

He sat next to me, "you know it is not easy on me too maybe he was not just a best friend to you but also you loved him, but you know what... he was the brother my mother never gave birth to" he said, but you know he still can't feel my pain.

"Did you see him when he was dying?" I didn't give hime time to answer, "did you saw the pain in his eyes?, i can't get that picture out of my head, every day i am breaking i use people to forget i went the last race to remember how it felt being free, I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DYING BECAUSE MAYBE I WILL BE WITH HIM AGAIN" with that i burst into tears.

Just now i let every thing out, i know i have to let go and it has been a year already but every second passes i miss him.

I really can't remember how my life was before him, we had fun and we forgot that one day we won't be together death is something terrifying it comes in a heart beat.

"I.. didn't know you were with him" mason said which was more a whisper. "That's because I didn't want anyone to know it was the last time i saw him and the last time i held him the last time that i was Mia the badass Mia now i hide behind a fake smile"

No one will ever understand me more than he did, maybe mason does, but since that day I didn't let anyone in.

You can think about me the way you want yeah i loved cuddling with Xavier, i liked the way Theo didn't judge me for racing or anything i do.

But they will never be him.

My love died and i died with him.

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Hey lovies
Another chapter
A sad chapter i might add
I cried writing this one
Not every one feels the pain of losing their loved ones maybe death wasn't the reason but the pain you feel when you lose someone is a bitch.

Stay tuned fir another chapter.