The intern • Remus Lupin

[31]. 12 Grimmauld place

The last few weeks had been different from any other summer. Ever since the death of Cedric Diggory people seemed to be more on edge, fearing the dark lords return. Yet they refused to acknowledge it and pretended as if Harry had gone nuts during the final task.

As expected it didn't take long before Professor Dumbledore formally called the order back together, me now being a member as well along with Bill and Charlie.

The good thing was that Sirius was back in London and lived in his childhood home that was hidden in between number eleven and thirteen Grimmauld place.

Sirius had asked Remus and I to move in with him for the time being since he hated being alone in the house, except for the grumpy house elf. Remus immediately said yes and not much later we moved in with him.

The house was big, and even though it was old and dusty it was way more luxurious then my home. But once everything had been cleaned it was gorgeous.

Mum and dad visited a lot but most of the time it was just us three. I had grown a lot closer with Sirius during our stay at his house and I finally understood why he was such good friends with Remus.

His time out of Azkaban had done him good. He looked much healthier and cleaner making him quite handsome. Of course I only had eye for Remus though.

Today was a more gloomy day. It was raining so we were cooped inside. Remus and I were in our room, me doing some cleaning while Remus sat on the bed with a book.

I open the door of the closet when something falls out. I hadn't seen it before so I assumed it was something from Remus.

"Hey Remus, what is this?" I ask, picking up the package of what seems to be letters tied together. I show it to him and his eyes widen. He quickly snatches it away from me and stuffs it into his trunk at the end of our bed.

"It's nothing" he says. "Just some old letters from my father." I raise my eyebrow.

"You're the worst liar. But you don't have to tell me" I say, sitting down beside him on the bed and taking his hand in mine. "You know that you can talk to me about anything."

Remus sighs and runs his free hand across his forehead. "I'm sorry, it's just- those letters weren't exactly a good part in my life."

"Then why did you keep them?" I ask, squeezing his hand to assure him it's alright.

"I think you would understand better if you read them" he suggest, grabbing the letters and handing them to me.

"Are you sure?" I question hesitantly. "I don't want to overstep any boundaries."

"Lori, I love you. And I think that it would do good to finally share these with someone" he says.

I stare at him for a bit before carefully untying the package of letters. I pick up the first one and open the envelope. The paper is wrinkled and old as I pull it out. I fold it open and read the date on the top.

4 November, 1981

I look back up at Remus. "Wasn't this-" he interrupts my question with a nod. I take a deep breath before reading the letter.

Sirius, padfoot,

I don't know what to do. The past few days have been the worst of my life. I've been unable to eat, sleep, talk. Every time I close my eyes I see their lifeless bodies. The only thing I can think about is, why? Why did you do it Sirius? Why did you betray your best friend, your brother? Was it for glory? Was it for money?

When I think of the Sirius I thought I knew I couldn't possibly find a reason why you did what you did. I know I might never know the real reasons. I might never find out why you betrayed James and Lily or why you killed Peter.

What has been bothering me the most is the thought of Harry, your godson, never knowing his parents. I tried everything I could, Sirius, I really did. You know how much he means to me. I tried, I begged Dumbledore to let him live with me. I told him I'd find a way to control myself, that I would never hurt Harry. Dumbledore didn't want to hear any of it. He thought it would be best if Harry grew up with his muggle aunt and uncle, Lily's sister and her husband, away from magic. I tried to protest but Dumbledore took Harry away from me. I did my best to hold onto him but there was nothing I could do.

I didn't get to say goodbye. I'll never get to say goodbye to the people who helped me accept what I was, who helped me believe I wasn't a monster. That's something I will never forgive you for.

Our friendship made my life better, but in the end it ruined me.

Remus.

I take a deep breath and try to push away the tears that blur my vision after reading the letter. 

"Are these all written to-" I start. "Sirius, yes" Remus says. I nod. "Has he read these?" I ask but he shakes his head.

"No, I didn't think I could send letters to Azkaban" he says. "Nor did I actually want him to read them. It was mostly a way to clear my mind."

"I wrote one for every year when he was in Azkaban. They keep getting worse" he says. "Except for the last one, because that's when I had met you already."

My stomach flutters and I wrap my arms around his neck. "You really did make my life better, Lori" he mumbles in my neck.

"I love you" I whisper.

Not much later I'm sitting on the couch downstairs when Sirius enters. He lets himself fall down beside me and sighs.

"Everything alright with Moony?" He asks. I raise my eyebrows at him. "Why do you think somethings wrong?"

"I've been friends with him for 2 decades, with a slight pause maybe, but I know him better than he knows himself" Sirius says. I chuckle at his comment.

"He's just feeling a bit gloomy. Might be the weather, or the full moon coming up" I say. Sirius nods.

"You can talk to him if you'd like?" I suggest. I notice Sirius becoming hesitant. "I think he just wants to be left alone for a bit" he says.

"Sirius, I know that both of you don't really talk about things but I think it would be good. You haven't had an actual proper conversation in awhile" I suggest.

"I really don't get how moony managed to get a girl like you" Sirius says with a grin before ruffling my hair and making his way upstairs.

Remus and Sirius stay upstairs for quite a long time so I decide to start making dinner.

Remus eventually joins me in the kitchen and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Thank you for getting us to talk" he says. I smile and turn around in his arms, pressing a kiss on his lips.

"Did you show him the letters?" I ask and he shakes his head. "No, but I did tell him how I felt those years."

"I also told him how guilty I still feel about blaming him for James and Lily's death. He assured me that I didn't need to feel guilty and it helped a bit but it will take some time for that to go away" He says.

"Of course, but I'm glad you're going to stop feeling guilty and I promise I'll kick your ass whenever you do feel guilty" I say with a grin.

Remus chuckles and kisses my lips softly.

"Stop snogging in my kitchen. I'm hungry" Sirius says as he enters the kitchen. I glare at him but smile afterwards nonetheless. I could definitely get used to this.

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a/n: sorry this is so short! Next chapter will be longer, promise! I just needed a bit of an introduction to the OOTP era before I jump into it completely.