After After...

Josephine

Tonight to took a turn I wasn't expecting, although, i'm glad I know about what's going on in Hero's life but my heart aches for him. I cant imagine the pain that all of this has put him through, the hurt. I know that from now on I wont just be his girlfriend, but I will also be his carer, to help him when he needs me and to understand him when he needs me. from what I could see last night, the amount of pills he is taking looks like too many, but I know that hey were given to him all for good reason. They're to help him.

I bring myself up from leaning on hero to give him a kiss, but I soon realise he is asleep, lips parted ever so slightly. I notice a harsh from from his eyebrows and it makes me wonder what he's thinking about. I know that maybe his face just does this in his sleep but I cant help but think. I bring my hand from under the blanket and bring it to his face. Once my thumb begins to stroke his cheek the from disappears almost instantly, which makes me happy. He looks so peaceful when he's this way, calm and away from all the stress that has been put on him. His eyes begin to flicker and I begin to worry that  have woken my tired boy, but all that happens it, he tightens his grip around my waist and adjusts himself so that he can pull me in further to him.

My hands rest on his chest and I go back to watching the movie. After about two or three movies I stopped looking and just let the next recommended movie play, all have luckily been good so far.

I haven't really been paying attention to the movie so far, I think it's about a lonely woman in New York who meets a dashingly handsome doctor.

My mind went to a place, where me and Hero are living in our little LA apartment and the sun shines everyday and we're both...perfect.
***

I wake up and can feel myself being lifted. I open my eyes slowly to the room moving, or maybe it's me. I figure out what's happening and find my arms wrapped around Heros neck. I cant remember falling asleep.

"What time is it?"

"Its late Bubs, we need to get some proper sleep."

I can hear him struggling to carry me and can feel him as well so wriggle out of his arms so that i can walk to the bedroom with him, he shouldnt be carrying me while being like this. I know he knows why i got out of his grip.

He grabs my hand and spins me around to face him. He puts his finger under my chins and tilts my head with it so that im looking into his eyes "Jo, im fine, i am capable of carring you acrross the hall." He looks at me almost as if he's annoyed at me for not letting him carry me.

"And im capable of walking myself across the hall. I wont take that risk of hurting you like that Hero, I know it hurts and i know you only do it because you love me but please, you can't be lifting me like that just for the sake of it. Okay?" I get up on my tip toes to plant a small kiss on his forehead.

"Yeah, okay, your right." He says finally giving in and wraps his arm around me as we walk into the bedroom.

The tempreature in this hotel room has risen extremely high since we started watching the movies so i decide to undress so im just in my underwear. Hoping thats hero will join my in just sleeping in his boxers i turn around and see that its almost as if he read my mind, and that he is, in fact, just in his boxers, but theres somthing else i notice when i begin to examin the rest of his body. A bruise. A deep purple blue line trails down his spine, god it looks so sore. Just looking at it makes me emotional. I cant help but rush over to him and hug his from behind.

I can feel him shaking from the reason i went over to him, his brings his arms behind him and comfots me, I'm not too sure if he's doing it for himself or for me but either way, we both need it.

"Oh, Hero. Im so sorry. Im so so sorry you are having to go through this." I sob into his wounded back.

"I know Jo, I know you are. Its not your fault, non of this is."  I can hear his voice become more and more shakey with each word he says to me.

"How?" I say, needing a response on how his back came to be like this.

"Its from working out. From lying on my back when I do my crunches. I didnt think it was as bad until a few days befre now i looked in the mirror and saw it. i guess i just cant do anything without being reminded of my illness. I pushed my limits this time, I knew that if I did something like work out or exercise I would get the consequences, and well, here we are."

How did i not realise the other night, was i so blind sighted that i didnt even realise the bruise that was marked on his back? I know i didnt know what was going on with Hero until later that night but i should be aware of these things at all times anyway, even if hes ill or not and i hope that is the same for him with me.

Hero turns around to face me, this time and bends his knees so that his eyes are in line with mine.

"Everything going to be okay, i promise." He searches my face and waits for me to let him know that i undertsand. i nod, letting him know.

"Let's go to bed, we both need the sleep." And I nod again.

He grabs both of my hands and guides me towards the bed, bringing me to lie on top of him. i go along with his actions and rest my head just below his chin, bringing my arms around him trying to get as close to him as possible. He begins to stroke my hair, its so subtle but one of the sweetest things a boyfriend can do. I want to lie like this forever, in Hero's arms, knowing I'm loved and safe. It's only a couple of seconds until our breathing matches on another and I notice that Hero has drifted off. I feel for the man I love, I really do.

"I love you." I whisper I'm not even sure he hears it.