Special. (Diluc x Reader)

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[ inspired by: "watching diluc fall for donna | a playlist" @ ventiffin on YT ]

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEiTNgoTBx8 ]

Oh, how it hurt. 

How it hurt to see a different side to him. 

How it hurt to no longer be his main source of happiness. 

How it hurt to hear his haunting words all about that special one. 

"Traveller, do you think she'll like this bouquet? What if she was allergic to Cecilias? What if she notices that they're slightly wilted? Ah, it really isn't usual to see me act so frantic like I am now, huh? My apologies, I just hope she..." He continued to ask you questions upon questions about his proposal to her, a more nervous tone in contrast to his usual bold and clear voice which he spoke in. The words trailing off as your mind continued to cloud with more indescribable emotions that went beyond heartbroken. 

Ever since he had told you his unexpected confession that very night in his office, you slowly felt your perfect world crumble to pieces. Every memory which only the two of you had created together, each one having held a special, reserved place in your heart, fading away to nothing. Every moment which the two of you had never left each other's side, creating promises and building trust you thought could never be broken. Every smile which the two of you had exchanged daily, filling your stomach with uncontrollable butterflies and making your face warm up to new heights. 

All it took was one sudden confession to reduce those sacred times to nothingness. 

The shock of pain you felt after hearing his unintentionally hurtful words couldn't be compared to any other. 

"Am I overthinking this whole scenario? I'm sorry if I'm overwhelming you, traveller, but what is your honest input?"His questions continued to fill your ears, each one sounding more genuine and frantic by the next. 

But you could not even form a half-hearted response to any of them, for your heart only ached with burning jealousy and guilt. 

"Don't worry, Master Diluc," you replied with a neutral sound, "I'm sure she'll love it.. 

 ..Very much." 

You couldn't bare to add on more words of comfort or advice, as shameful as you felt for leaving him hanging. For if you even tried to continue, you would end up breaking to the extreme amount of negativity which you have been desperately trying to prevent from lashing out since the last week of that night. 

How you wished you could just tell him now about everything before he would leave to see his potential lover. How you loved his personality so dearly, how you admired his deep virtues he's held onto for so long, how you yearned to see his fluffy red hair first thing in the morning before anything else. How he has shaped himself to become the one you would put yourself first before your own life. 

Diluc sighed with relief, his confidence rising back up and his face turning from despair to tranquil. He ruffled the bouquet of Mondstadt's most famous specialties with his gentle fingers, tracing over the petals one by one. It was filled with a breathtaking variety, from the spinning windwheel aster to the fluorescent lampgrass. Almost every kind of Mondstadt's favorites found all over the vast land. One could tell from first glance that this bouquet was saved for a special, first time occasion that would mark a new chapter in life. 

An occasion that was now never going to ever be yours. 

"Thank you. I appreciate you and your willingness to comply with me. This is just something new to me, and I'm more flustered than I'd thought I'd be initially." His words were sweet and filled with gratitude, just like they had always been when they were meant for you. Words that have always given you comfort and happiness. Words that you wouldn't want to hear from anyone else other than Master Diluc's. 

"It's nothing, really. She'll definitely accept your confession, Sir. I know it." 

God, how it stung your throat to let those words escape from your mouth, knowing they were referring to a different special someone. But as much as you wanted to stop and reverse time back to what your relationship was before, you didn't want to ruin his newfound happiness and excitement. To ruin his chance at his first love would only bring lifelong guilt and selfishness, a weight you would never be able to bear on your shoulders. 

Diluc opened his arms wide, the special bouquet in his right hand, and his smile radiating a blinding brightness. You looked at him for a couple seconds, before you mustered up the strength again to return the hug. His tight embrace felt like home, the warmth of his soft jacket brushing against your face and his large hands wrapping around your back as if he secretly didn't want to let go. You couldn't help but shed a couple secret tears, each one soaking into his jacket, knowing that you might never be able to feel this physical closeness ever again after tonight. You hoped that he would never let go, and that the two of you could just stay in this position forever under the dim light of the flickering yellow streetlight with the stars winking brightly above your heads. 

But of course, he lets go after several more seconds of silent intimacy, and he looks into your eyes which were wiped before the release. He pats your shoulder and holds it tightly as he speaks before he makes his departure to the flower shop. 

"Thank you for always being here for me, traveller. From the start of your journey to where we are now, we've been to every corner of Teyvat together. I really appreciate the friendship and time we have between us, and I hope that we will continue to be great friends so long you are walking on this world." 

Friendship. Great friends. 

You nodded quietly and attempted a genuine smile, not speaking a word. 

"Go for it, Master Diluc." 

He smiles and nods back, finally releasing his grip and walking away from the streetlight, his steps becoming less audible as the distance between your positions grew. You couldn't help but reach out a hand to his direction, already yearning for his calming embrace, until his bright red ponytail finally disappeared from your view to not be seen again for the rest of the night.

Standing still under the streetlight where your last contact occurred, you looked up to the moon hovering above you, and quietly thought to yourself under the blanket of the dreamy night sky,

"How I wished I could've been his special one."

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