Worth the Wait (Death Note Fan Fiction-Aizawa x Matsuda)

Chapter 22: Aftermath

*Contains spoilers for the anime and the manga!

Fair warning: there is one use of the F-word in this chapter.*

Chapter Summary: Matsuda has great difficulty dealing with the fact that he shot, and possibly killed, Light.

The remaining Task Force members were just concluding a meeting at their headquarters. It had been four days since Light Yagami had been revealed as Kira, and then subsequently killed. They had met to discuss how certain matters would be handled now that Kira was dead and the investigation could finally be closed.

Aizawa knew that Matsuda was still having a hard time processing everything that had happened. To make matters worse, the previous day had been Light's funeral. None of them really wanted to attend, but they knew how odd it would seem to Light's mother and sister if they didn't. On top of that, Light's mom had asked Matsuda to give the eulogy for Light, since he was so close to the Yagami family and knew Light so well.

Matsuda had accepted the offer and later confided in Aizawa that he really didn't want to give it, but that he couldn't say that to Sachiko. Aizawa knew how hard it was for Matsuda to get up there and speak about what a respectable, great, and honorable man Light was. There were a few times where he had difficulty getting through it. To the Yagamis, it probably seemed like grief, but Aizawa and the others on the Task Force knew the true reason for Matsuda's tears.

"I think we should celebrate the end of the Kira investigation," Mogi said.

Aizawa and Ide agreed with him, though Aizawa was surprised that it wasn't Matsuda who had suggested this. Just as odd, he didn't readily agree with them either. He had not said very much during the course of the meeting. Aizawa knew that shooting Light weighed heavily on Matsuda; he had admitted as much to Aizawa the other day.

"Tou-chan?" Aizawa asked him. "You in?"

"I don't think so," Matsuda slowly stood up and walked over to the couch. "You guys go ahead though."

"You were part of this investigation," Ide told him. "We can't celebrate without you."

"I don't feel like celebrating," Matsuda said.

"I've never seen him like this," Mogi whispered to the other two.

"I hate seeing him like this," Aizawa said truthfully. "Listen, you guys go ahead. I'm going to talk to Matsu and maybe I can convince him to join us. Text me where you guys are going to be."

Ide and Mogi agreed and as they left, Aizawa approached Matsuda. He sat down beside him.

"Tou-chan?" Aizawa said. "Are you okay?"

"I killed him," Matsuda said. "Light...I killed him."

This was something that Matsuda had said a lot over the past few days. And the last couple of nights, Aizawa had woken up to Matsuda pleading with Light or yelling at him in his sleep.

Other times, Matsuda would wake from these dreams with a jerk and sit up in bed.

He always apologized to Aizawa for waking him, too. Aizawa did not mind though, and he was glad to be there for Matsuda at those times, as opposed to Matsuda waking up by himself after such nightmares.

"Touta, you can't blame yourself," Aizawa told him gently.

"How can I not, Shichi?"

"You know what Light had become."

"I know. But he was still Light."

"Once he became Kira, Light was gone," Aizawa said.

"Light's gone because I killed him," Matsuda said and tears formed in his eyes.