Journals (Camren)

Chapter 21

Gay.

When did that word become an insult? Why was it said so venomously by those that claimed they weren't? Why did there even have to be a claim at all? Why couldn't people just love who they love without all of the labels and slander?

Camila frowned as she finished jotting down those thoughts in her journal. Then she closed it and begrudgingly completed her assignment. The things on her mind were making it hard to focus on just her classwork. She finished soon enough, then her mind drifted back to Austin's expression when he questioned her sexuality. He seemed so disgusted at the fact that it could be a possibility. What did it matter to him at all? It wasn't any of his business. It wasn't any of anyone's business. It was her business. And it was Lauren's business. That was it.

Despite her friends' endeavors to boost her mood during lunch, it all diminished as she continued thinking about everything. It just wasn't a good day. Her mood was even more sour than before. She just wanted to go home. Mondays fucking sucked. She only had one more class before then. Once the bell rung and class dismissed, she filed into the hallway immediately.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING

While she was usually invisible on her journey to class, she felt like everyone was staring at her this time around. An unfamiliar wave of insecurity washed over her. Why was everyone staring? And were they really focused on her? Or was she just being paranoid? Camila wasn't so sure, but she kept her head down anyway. Her hair fell around her face and partially hid her from public speculation. She kind of felt like it helped make her as invisible as she usually was. But it didn't. Everyone saw her as she headed towards her locker. Everyone was making their new judgements based on what they'd heard.

The mumbling and whispering got louder as she went on her way. It was different than the casual murmuring of the student body. They were whispering. And they hadn't diverted their eyes yet. Camila was certain she was the center of the hallway's attention now. However, she didn't have the nerve to confront them all. She wished Lauren was by her side. The looks were starting to get under her skin. But it was nothing compared to the reason they were looking at her so harshly.

"There goes that lesbian girl," she heard someone say as she passed them. Were they talking about Camila? Surely not. Or at least she hoped not. She just kept looking down at her feet and increased her pace. Class seemed like a really good option right about now. It would be her safe haven, for a little while.

When she got into class, she let out a sigh of relief. She placed her things on the desk and laid her head down until class began. The more she began to anticipate going home, the slower the day seemed to go by. Watching the clock didn't do her any justice. It felt like forever. The dipshit assignment they had to do didn't faze her. She finished it within a few minutes, like she always did. With nothing better to do and no inspiration to write in her journal, she just went to sleep. It was a little nap, and as soon as the final bell sounded, she was out of there.

An overwhelming urge to go home nagged at her. As she weaved through the crowd, she sensed their eyes on her again. Whatever their reasons, she wanted it all to stop. Maybe she could just come back tomorrow and give this whole school thing another shot, because it just wasn't working for today. By the time her last class of the day dismissed, she was more than ready to go. That final bell was long overdue. She reached her locker in record time and hastily exchanged her belongings.

"Hey, these are nice. Don't you think?" a boy asked Camila as he came up beside her. She didn't know his name, but she recognized him from lunch. She didn't even know what he was talking about, but she was annoyed. What's nice? What the hell? Camila focused on getting her book bag out of her locker before giving him any attention.