Never Free ~ Merlin x Reader

6 - The Questions

Fuck... My head... Where am I?

I push myself up to sit. Fuck, what happened again?

I fought the soldiers and the henchmen, then I nearly got hit by a cannonball, then I got cut, then I got smashed by a hammer, then I got rid of the cannons and the henchmen, and the rest of the soldiers, then scared Average off. And then-

Fuck...

I broke down. I failed and I had a panic attack. Right in front of everybody! What did I say? I don't remember the breakdown, I just know it happened! Oh, fuck! What did I do?

I move to get up and I notice my skin is cold. My skin? What?

I look down and my torso is shirtless, my breasts wrapped in bandages. Who undressed me?! How did I get here? What's happening?

Wait...

My hands fly to my face. My mask is still there. Thank fuck. Oh my god... What did the boys see? Did they see my face? Do they know I'm a girl now? I start pacing, mumbling obscenities with every step.

"Fucking shit. Sonuva bitch. Goddammit. Fucking cunt-ass..."

"Onyx?"

I jerk my head up to see Snow standing in the doorway. Behind her is Merlin. My eyes widen. Fuck.

I quickly rush to the door, pull Snow in and slam the door in Merlin's face.

"What did they see?!" I ask her, my voice urgent and scared. "What did they hear? What did you hear? What did I even fucking say?! Oh, fuck..."

"Y/n," Snow says quietly. "Calm down. You're okay now."

"How am I okay?!" I ask with unshed tears building in my eyes. "I had a mental breakdown! I failed and I broke! My side is sliced open and I'm shirtless! I am in no way okay."

"Deep breaths," Snow coos, gently stroking my arms. "Everything is alright. Just take deep breaths and I'll explain."

I suck in the air aggressively, praying I calm down. Eventually, after about fifteen deep breaths, my hands stop shaking and I'm able to sit down again.

"What happened?" I whisper.

"You were injured," Snow explains, a comforting hand rubbing circles on my back. "You were bleeding out so we brought you in and patched you up."

"We?"

She hesitates. "All of us were here when I took your shirt off," she says nervously.

"What!?!" I whip around to face her fully but she places her hands on my arms again in an attempt to calm me.

"They know you're a girl," she says. "That's all. They didn't see your face." I heave a heavy relieved sigh. Thank fuck. That wouldn't have been bad. "I still don't understand why they can't know, though."

"Because revealing that would go one of two ways," I answer. "Either it makes everyone freak out and chaos reigns and shit crumbles around me, or no one gives a shit and my remaining strands of self-esteem are crushed. I barely make a difference now. I don't want my face causing issues."

"I still think Merlin would be pretty excited and happy about it," Snow tries.

I shake my head. "No. His life is great now. I don't want to ruin what he has." I quickly shake my head of those thoughts and move on. "Okay, so my meltdown," I start slowly. "What exactly did I say?"

"You don't remember?" I shake my head, no. Once again she hesitates. "Well, you looked... terrified. Completely horrified." She pulls her hands back nervously. That's not a good sign. "You kept apologizing for failing. And promising to be perfect. You also called us 'Mistress'."