Life is like a game of dodgeball. Sometimes it chunks things that you can catch and throw right back at it. Sometimes it throws things you can narrowly miss, feeling the wind from it whoosh against your skin. And sometimes, it throws things at you t...
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The bright white lights caused my eyes to squint back shut quickly. Goosebumps arose on my arms and I shivered at the cold air. The smell of disinfectant was the clear giveaway that someone found me last night and brought me to the hospital. Beeping sounds from right beside my head made me want to carve my ears out. As I opened my eyes, I saw Riley rush to my side and grab my hand. A relieved smile spread on her face and she squeezed my hand as if she needed to make sure I was actually there and okay.
"What happened?" My throat was scratchy so my voice came out dry and raspy, but Riley knew what I said. A worried look took over her face and it wasn't until then that I realized Will was there too. He looked concerned just like Riley did.
"I was talking to Will one minute and the next, Braxton was sprinting up to us with you in his arms screaming for an ambulance," Riley shakes her head, looking to me for answers. "Braxton insisted that we don't call your parents because he knew you wouldn't want us to." Guilt causes tears to prick the back of my eyes. I had everyone worried, and they still are because they don't know what's going on. And Braxton, being so kind to me after what I did last night. My heart hurts. It hurts so much. "What is it, Ainsley?"
My mind spun in thought. Should I tell the Yeager's that I'm sick? The old Ainsley would have screamed heck no and forbid the thought from ever even crossing her own mind. But the new Ainsley... well, she's different. This Ainsley wasn't afraid to tell the Yeager's because, while she knew it would make them sad, they have a right to know. Just like everyone else that I've grown to care about.
"I'm sick."
After those two words left my mouth, I didn't regret it like I thought I would. No, in fact, my chest felt a little lighter. My head didn't feel like it was going to explode. Riley and Will had devastated looks on their faces, and while that broke my heart to see, I felt even more free than I'd ever felt in the past week. I'd done it. I'd told someone about my sickness. I'm free. I'm free from the fear of disappointment. I'm free from the fear of myself, my own anxiety. I'm free from it.
"How much longer do you have left?" Will asks hesitantly, like he's afraid to hear the answer. This is the part I've been afraid of. This is the part where Riley and Will will be devastated from hearing that I don't have much longer left. Can I do it? Can I tell them?
Yes. Yes I can.
"Doc says a few months. But the declination process has been going faster than I've been admitting to him, so probably less than that," there was no shame in my tone. There was a soft sadness that intertwined with the caution to make sure I didn't seem too cold to the fact that I'm dying. A gasp leaves Riley's lips and she covers her mouth with her hand in shock.
"This can't be." She shakes her head in denial. When I smile at her with sad eyes, she shakes her head again. "No! This can't be, this can't be!" Tears welled up in her eyes, and Will wrapped his muscular arms around her in comfort. A tear slipped down his face as he held his sobbing wife. All this time, this exact moment has been the one I've been fearing. But now that I've reached this moment, I'm not afraid anymore. I've come to terms with the fact that I can't please everyone my whole life.
