Blinded Sight

Chapter Four

Xander was tired.

The kind of tired that worms its way into your bones and soaks into every part of your being. The kind of tired that sticks around even after a third cup of coffee. The kind of tired that hurts.

He could hardly remember the last time he had slept, even before what happened. The harsh lights and blinding white walls of the horridly clinical hospital didn't help either. But he didn't really want to be asleep right now. Sleeping came with nightmares that linger in the back of your mind even in the waking world. The insomnia wasn't recent.

The nightmares were.

Even if he asked to be alone for just a moment there would always be someone hanging around, writing notes or checking vitals. Xander wasn't sure if he wanted to be alone right now. Before what happened he had relished every quiet moment, but none of them had been alone.

He hadn't been alone in years, then suddenly he was again. Alone in a sea of people that came in and out, politely ignoring him. The doctors and nurses had given up talking to him months ago.

Months ago?

Had he really been here that long?

Stuck in this prison of white walls and solum beeping, but at least Xander could leave.

John couldn't.

Xander felt the tears start to threaten to break through, the tears that he hadn't realised were there. Biting the inside of his cheek, the sharp sting of blood took him out of the dreadful spiral of his own thoughts.

A walk, that was it, he should go for a walk.

But he shouldn't leave John.

Not now, not in the state he was in.

But he just couldn't be there anymore.

He just couldn't stare at the man he loved alone in that cold world that Xander couldn't reach no matter how hard he tried.

Standing up quickly he left the room glancing back at John lying deathly still on the hospital bed. Continuing to bite back the tears he forced himself to leave the room and just walk somewhere, anywhere, that just wasn't there.

He noticed a small door in the corner with a potted plant placed haphazardly halfway across the opening. The sign was old and worn down the words 'Storage Room 87' barely readable through years of built-up dust. There were probably over two hundred identical store rooms scattered across the sprawling headquarters that he got lost so much in when he was new.

No one would notice if he just slipped into the storeroom to rest his eyes for a few moments, would they?

He quietly pushed the small potted tree out of the way and slipped into the room, the thin wooden door muffling some of the sounds from the far off rooms. It wasn't the best, but it could work for just a few minutes if he really needed to rest his eyes.

Just for a moment, that was all he needed.

He leant against the dusty shelf and felt the waves of his sleep finally wash over him and before he knew it he was asleep.

What felt like hours later Xander bolted upright from a nightmare that was already disappearing into the crevices of his mind. Checking his watch he swore under his breath and jumped up to his feet. Quickly shoving the door open, he nearly ran straight into Schaffer, standing outside and staring at him blankly.

"He's still fine, you were only asleep for like an hour," She told him before he even had a chance to try and come up with some sort of excuse. "I'm not going to tell anyone, plus everyone here has taken at least one nap on company time," She sighed, her posture relaxing slightly.