secrets or lies: a johannie story

fifteen.

johnnys pov:
i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot. i'm an idiot.
how could i be so stupid.
i say with my hands behind my head.
i really screwed up, why didn't i just tell her.
why didn't i become a bigger person and call it off with hayden.

i played her.
and now she thinks my intentions were off, which they were at the start, but now i'm in love with her.
i've called her dozens of times and she hasn't answered.
her phone keeps going straight to voicemail.

i wish i wasn't such an idiot.
you never realize how much someone means to you until you lose them.
i knew i cared about annie so much and i was falling in love with her, but now i know i fell a long time ago.

annie's pov:
i've been crying for hours and i hate that i'm crying over a boy.
i swore to myself i would never cry over a boy at least not at seventeen.
but i really did see something in johnny, that i've never seen in anyone else.
he made me feel safe and happy.
i felt like he was truly there for me, but it was all a lie.

i've never felt more worthless in my life.
i've never been this embarrassed either, i opened up to him, for it to all be fake.
i know i don't know the full story, and i want to hear him out, but i'm scared i'll be too quick to trust him again.
i need to respect myself and not give him the opportunity to explain himself.
i don't even know if anything he told me was true or not.

it's two in the morning and i haven't started any of my school work, it's really unlike me to wait so late.
but all i've done since i got home was cry and sleep and cry more.

johnnys has called me so many time, that i had to turn my phone off.
i just don't want to talk, not right now at least.
i need space.
throughout the years i've learned not to get attached to people, but it didn't work in this case.
sometimes people are blessings and other times they're lessons.

johnnys pov:
it was a little after two am and my parents got into another argument.
they argue more than they speak to each other now.
i think they love each other, but they can't stand one another anymore.
they were together to keep our family whole, but it's officially divided now.

my mom left.
she packed a suitcase and walked out the door.
my sisters started to cry, which was the hardest part.
i don't ever want to see them hurt.
i lied with lauren until she fell asleep, i didn't want her to be by herself.
then i went in my room.

i sat on my bed and broke down.
i always stay strong for my sisters, and try not to cry, but i'm always broken too.
i called annie, just to see if she'd answer and she did.

a: hey.
j: annie?
i said sniffing.
a: johnny are you okay? it's late.
j: my mom left, and not just for now, it's for good.
i say crying.
j: and i'm sorry about everything, i just don't have anyone else to call.

a: calm down okay.
she says sincere.
a: we're not gonna worry about that right now, you should get some sleep.
j: i can't sleep.
a: why?
she asked curious.
j: i have to be awake just in case one of my sisters wake up.
a: johnny you need to sleep okay, you've had a rough night, it's late and we have school tomorrow. i understand you want to be there for your sisters, but you have to take care of yourself too alright.

j: okay, i'm really sorry.
a: it's okay, i'll stay on the phone until you fall asleep.
j: can you talk to me as i fall sleep.
a: uh yeah,
she started to sniffle like she was crying.
a: so i came home after school and i took a really long nap, then i took very long shower as merlo then fell back asleep. after i woke up i watched a movie with hayley and now i'm doing my school work.
i had closed my eyes to make it seem as if i was falling asleep.

she propped the phone up on her desk and i could see her as she was doing her school work.
a knock had appeared on her door.
mk: annie look who is here.
her mom says to her and she eeks with excitement.
k: hi babe.
a: katie.
they say as she hugs her and her mom leaves the room.
they sit on her bed.
a: i've missed you so much.
k: i've missed you more, i know that look on your face, what's wrong?

a: uhm it's been a hard day.
k: i could tell, and i want to hear all about it, but who's on the phone.
a: that's johnny, he's a heavy sleeper, so it doesn't matter.
i was still awake so i heard everything.
k: wait that's johnny. the makes your heart skip a beat johnny.
a: yeah that johnny.
k: so what's going on?
a: uhm
i could tell she started to tear up.
a: i found out today that he's only been talking to me because he made a bet with his friend.
k: a bet?

a: yeah, they wanted to see who could get with me first and that was the winner.
she says crying.
k: oh annie i'm so sorry.
a: no it's fine, i've cried ever since i got home, but i know this is the worst of it. it can only get easier right.
i am such a jerk, i wish this was a dream.
k: annie i don't want you to have to be strong around me, you're my best friend. we know everything about each other.
a: i know, i just really thought this was the one, i really thought he like me.
k: how'd he make you feel?
a: like i was floating, i don't think anyone has made me that happy. every time i wasn't with him i just thought about him and couldn't wait to see him again.
she started to cry.
a: look at me katie, i don't cry over boys.
k: you do when you're in love