✓ Universe

Universe © simqlea

did you love me?

now that i know it's true
( that you're a cruel mortal who thinks of no one but himself )
i'm not sure if i even know the real you.

i don't know if those unmasked smiles
— the ones you gave me beneath the golden sun —
i don't know if they're all only extra miles
you put into your daily manipulative run.

i don't know, dream.
i don't know if i know you.
i don't know if us falling in love was all just a foolish, selfish daydream.
i don't know if anything you ever did or anything you ever said —
i don't know if any of it was ever true.

i just don't know, anymore, okay?
i just don't know.
and, alright, once upon a time, for you i would have turned the sky gray
and the seas a dark black that matched my midnight's glow
but right now? i just don't know.

i don't know if i ever knew,
now that i'm aware of this so-called "real" you.

this "real" you that takes life without blinking;
that manages to massacre
an entire army within a night
and has not a single thought that it is bad
despite all your supposedly right thoughts and
supposedly right ways of thinking.

this "real" you that i wish isn't really the "real" you
because if it were true
( if it were true that this cold, unforgiving you were your true self )
then it all meant nothing
and i was a fool once more —
and i don't want to be a lovestruck fool whose so-called true love's i love you's were all just him bluffing.

i don't want to be a fool again, dream —
please don't tell me i'm a fool again, dream.

i know i was a fool ( and still am ) because
i love you i love you i love you
and i can't seem to stop despite the fact that
you're the reason the universe once collapsed.

i know i was a fool because i once asked you
was it worth it was it worth it was it worth it
( was i worth it? )
and i'm supposed to know i'm already worth it because
i'm the weaver of the universe.

i'm the seamstress of the galaxies;
i'm the painter of the skies;
i'm the creator of all black holes because
it's my fault when a star dies
because i made the stars.

i made the universe
i made the world.

i made your world
i made everything.

and ( for the last fucking time )
i know i was a fucking fool ( and i was certain this time )
because i once questioned
is it true is it true is it true
am i nothing but a tool to you
and it was all there in front of me.

it was all right there.
all of it, before my very eyes
and i was just too blind to see it
because i was a selfish person who had them closed.

i was a selfish person and a selfish fool.

i am still a selfish person and a selfish fool.
do you want to know why?

because to this day, i still find myself asking
was i worth it was i worth it was i worth it
was it true was it true
was it true?

and i still find myself saying
i love you i love you i love you
because i'm a selfish person and a selfish fool.

so tell me, my bittersweet daydream
( the inspiration for my constellations
the face i've drawn into my galaxies
and the person i am cursed to love for all of eternity and more )

do tell me:

did you ever love me?