i think i killed my friend

25 december 2005

it seems like santa didn't come down my chimney last night. i ran down the stairs to find my mum sobbing, eyes sore and nose red. was expecting presents instead. the cookies i put in so much effort to decorate were left untouched. the milk glass was still filled to the brim too. this might just be the saddest christmas yet.

my mum told me i can go play in the park alone today. she has never allow me to go alone. she told me to dress warmly and leave. i have to turn back twice to make sure that it was okay but she just closed the door behind me. i look at the road ahead of me. it seems scary and familiar at the same time. the same road i walk countless times with my mum and dad but this time it looks different. the road looks empty and sad and white and cold. but i started walking because it seems like that was the only option i have. 

and so i walked and walked. i look around for the park and realised i don't know the way. i think i'm lost. but at least i'm warm. i wanted to turn back and go home but i think my mum wouldn't like that. so i kept walking. and kept being lost. the snow wasn't falling anymore. but i felt wetness of my face. i felt droplets dripping down from my cheeks. i wasn't warm anymore. my face felt like ice. i turn back again and to find out that i couldn't remember the way home anymore. i can't tell time then but it felt like i have been walking for years. 

i don't remember what happened after that but i woke up at the side of the road. i think i fell asleep. or maybe i fainted. i hadn't had breakfast. and lunch. i blinked a few times before sitting up. a girl of my age was standing beside me. she was back facing me. she sensed movement form behind and turn to look at me. her big blue eyes was full of hope.

she said hi. she said she was protecting me from the world. she said i looked like i needed it. she said her name is margo rose and that she's five years old. she said that she would be my friend. she said that she did the same thing to her dog when a car hit him. she said that she had to fight some adults who walked by us and asked her what happened. she said that she would never let anyone hurt me. she said that i can follow her home. and then she cleaned off the snow on my coat and smiled.

but i said no. i stood up and started to hopefully make my way home. but margo rose followed me. and she haven't leave me alone since then.