No other - TeukChul

Lonely ~

You're ugly. You’re unloved. Nobody likes you. You are alone. You’re so annoying. You're worthless. You're not good enough. There's nothing good about you, why are you even trying...

 

He said to his reflection in the mirror, tears falling down on his cheeks like rain.

 

Leeteuk was exhausted, he needed to escape his feelings, but he was failing in doing so. Breathing seemed hard every time those bad thoughts filled up his mind. 

 

It was time for his concert, but he was feeling scared, his anxiety hit so bad that his mind was going blank and couldn't understand what the directors, dancers or anyone was saying to him; he was just there, staring at them talking while his mind wasn't functioning. 

 

But even though he wasn't feeling okay, he took a deep breath and walked up the stage and started his performance that he kept practicing for more than a month now and turned out to be an amazing one; back then he barely found time to eat his meals and sometimes just ended up without having anything to eat for 2 days straight... 

 

Lights on, he's on stage all cheerful and seemingly happy and enjoying his time. 

 

 

"SARANGHAEYO PARK JUNGSOO!" Heechul shouted the fan chant with the crowd, waving his pretty hands that were holding his shining pearl sapphire blue light stick. His eyes not moving away, watching every single move of this gorgeous man in front of him... 

 

Yes, that's Heechul the number one fanboy of the stunning idol --- Leeteuk. He is one pretty boy who taking care of his beauty is the most important thing in his life, after his idol of course! His house is full of leeteuk's merch, that guy's pictures are covering every wall in his house, every single corner has something related to him. He has always seen leeteuk as the source for his happiness; teuk is bright and cute, his smile is the most beautiful in the world that Chul always wanted to become an idol too just like him and in the same company so that he will be able to meet him when he becomes his junior one day. 

Every day he wakes up and chats with the posters that are all around his room; he even has a lLeteuk pillow that he cannot sleep without hugging. Heechul also has a fan page for leeteuk with over 50k followers on both Instagram and Twitter and sends gifts through projects with other fans all the times. 

 

Another unexpected thing is that they both share the same birthday month ~

 

 

The crowd was very loud, enjoying the concert. While Chul was there standing watching his idol's perfect body moves and amazing vocals, appreciating every single thing he's doing. He stopped shouting and jumping just because he wanted to see his favorite person being the perfect person he is. He was standing in the first line near the stage and that was making his heart pound hard. 

 

It was that time of the concert where leeteuk goes down from the stage and walk through the free spaces between the lines of fans and give those flowers and balloons with his dancers. 

 

As he was walking while giving away blue balloons, he noticed the only fanboy standing in the front line. Leeteuk walked closer to him, took a flower out of his basket, lifted his hand slowly and gently presented him the rose while looking at his eyes not even blinking for any second. 

 

"Thank you!!! I love you!" heechul yelled and his voice was shaking, his heart started beating way faster than before and tears started falling down his soft cheeks. It was the first time his favorite idol noticed him since years of being a fan of his. 

 

"Please don't cry" Teuk said and gently pulled him into a warm hug. 

 

...

 

The concert had ended, he greeted the fans as he left the stage. As soon as he arrived to the backstage, he directly ran to the bathroom, his breathing was a mess and his mind was in shambles from overthinking as he looked at the mirror. Did they like my performance? I did bad, didn't I? I'm scared... He murmured to himself wishing someone who could hug him at that moment not allowing himself to cry so that he doesn't ruin the makeup.

He only needed someone to comfort him and tell him he did well, to be there and love him.

 

He got out of the bathroom and walked around the backstage telling everyone that they all did well and how much he's proud of each one of them. He couldn't do that to himself, he didn't feel that about himself, he just couldn't but at least he wanted everyone to be happy and feel good, he wanted to let them know that they did well, and assure them that they're good enough and great.

 

Arriving home, he threw himself on his bed and started staring blankly at the wall above him for hours. I'm so lonely, I'm so scared... I can't take it anymore... He was thinking when tears dropped. He grabbed his little plush and hugged it as if he was hugging someone so dear to him and cried his heart out for hours. I am doing something that I love, but why am I not happy yet? Why do I feel so scared all the time? Why do I feel worthless and lonely...? I know everyone will leave me when they find someone who's better than me... He said quietly as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.