Forbidden Hope | H.S.

32

TW// abuse, suicidal thoughts, self-harm

Please read with caution.

Please know that I tried my hardest to make this realistic. I'm sorry if I do offend anyone in any way but please tell me so I can edit it and fix it. I pulled from my personal experiences as well as research.

It's been a rough week. I woke up last week after apparently being in a coma for 3 weeks. I don't remember much of what happened after I was shot, the last thing I remember is seeing Harry's eyes and that's it.

Harry has filled me in on what happened since then. Andrew's dead, Gabe's escaped, and I'm fucked up mentally and physically. He spends every minute with me and I practically have to force him to leave me.

I was released from the hospital yesterday and it was rough. Having to go back to the place you were kidnapped from. I just made a b line for his bedroom and immediately crashed in his bed, tired and overwhelmed from the day.

Harry wanted to change me into pajamas but I refused. I didn't want him to see me like that. Today I'm hoping for a better day. I forced Harry to go to work today, and he complied as long as he was able to come home early and cook dinner for me.

I spent the day in bed, falling in and out of sleep. Avoiding any mirrors and anything that reminded me of what happened. It got to around 3:00 meaning Harry would be home soon so I got up to go take a shower.

I haven't showered in weeks so I must smell disgusting. I grabbed the biggest clothes I could find walking into the bathroom and avoiding eye contact with the mirror. I strip down and take a shower, imagining the water as rain.

I liked the rain. It lets me drown in something else other than my poisonous thoughts. I eventually get out of the warm shower and I dry myself off looking around for my hairbrush. I sigh realizing I left it in the other room.

I walk over to the door but stop when my eyes catch myself in the mirror. I ended up just staring at my reflection, looking at the truth of myself.

I saw all the bruises covering my body. The scar of where I'd been shot, the scar of my surgery from before. My skinny body because I haven't had a full meal in weeks.

My mind screams at me telling me everything I don't want to hear.

You're ugly.

My hands grip the countertop and my knuckles turn white.

How did Harry see anything in you? How did he find you beautiful? He's lying.

My hands fly up to my ears covering them as I start to whisper no.

There's no way he saw anything in you. He's using you. You're worthless!

"NO!" I scream going to punch my reflection when my hand is caught and I'm pulled back into a body. I begin to thrash and scream at the top of my lungs trying to break free.

The voice is muffled over my running thoughts and screams and I keep fighting back.

"Stop! Let go of me!" I scream repeatedly. They eventually lose their grip on me and I fall to the ground cowering back pulling my knees up to my chest, keeping my eyes closed.