Forbidden Hope | H.S.

06

I push the door open and see my mom standing at the top of the stairs looking down on me with her arms crossed and a frown on her face.

"Hey, mom what's up? Haven't seen you in a hot minute." I laugh as I stumble through the door.

Drunk me is always a condescending bitch how my mom always puts up with it, I don't know.

"Hope Marie are you drunk!? Where were you!? Are you crazy!?" She yells down at me and I just stare up at her like a deer caught in headlights.

"Ugh, that's a lot of questions mom. But to answer them, am I drunk? Yes, I'm very drunk." I started to walk towards the stairs as best as I possibly could.

"Where was I? At a very fun party." I stand at the bottom of the stairs seeing my mom's unamused expression.

"Am I crazy? Maybe just a teenie tiny bit." I finish responding as I hold up my index finger and thumb closing them together a bit. I put my hand down smiling up at her amused while she just looks even more pissed off.

I see my mom's familiar lecture face start to come out and I know this is going to be a long one. I back up and sit down against the wall getting ready to hear it.

"Get your ass in your room now, I don't care anymore Hope! I can't keep doing this! I can't keep worrying about where you are or where you've been because you obviously don't care about your future or what's best for you! I try to ground you, I try to enforce rules but all you do is break them! What's the point of even trying to help you when all you do is disobey me! You are 17 Hope! You're not an adult! What did I do wrong for you to turn out like this?"

She yells at me, shaking her head while she looks down on me.

"Well that's what 17-year-olds do, they rebel, they don't listen and I only have a few months left of high school! I've applied to college, and kept my grades up! But you only live once so I'm just living my life! You didn't do anything wrong but obviously if you're questioning yourself then maybe you did!"

I spit out at her annoyed that she's trying to bring my future up and saying that I don't care. I'm good in school and I know I'm going to college but I don't know what I want to do. She sighs and looks down at me.

"Your father would be so disappointed at what you're doing right now."

My blood began to boil. I don't know what came over me but the second my father left her lips I started up the stairs and stood on the step below her.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing he's dead." I spit out pushing my way past her and down the hall into my room. I slam my door shut and lock it because I don't want to deal with her coming into my room. I sit down on my bed and put my face in my hands.

"You're grounded longer now, we'll talk in the morning!" I hear her yell from outside of my bedroom.

"Whatever, as you said before I don't care!" egging her on in the fight.

I put my face back in my hands and stay there for what seems like forever until I hear a knock at my door.

"Go away, mom!" I yell knowing she's trying to come in and make peace.

"Hope it's me please let me in." I hear Athena's small voice from behind the door and sigh, I know I shouldn't let her in but I have to.

I walk over the door and open it so she can come in. When she walks in I close the door and lock it again. Athena just stares up at me with tears in her eyes. I walk her over to the bed and sit her down as I kneel in front of her.

"Why do you do this Hope?" She asks calmly.

"Why do you have to fight with her so much I don't get it." She follows up on her previous question.

I sigh because the answer is I truly don't know why I do what I do. I know she heard the whole fight and I feel horrible.

"I don't know Athena. I just do the things I do. There's no reason behind it. And we just fight because we don't agree on the same things. I'm sure when you're my age the same thing will be happening with you and her." I reply knowing it's not the answer she was looking for.

"But what would dad say about this. He wouldn't be too happy."

I don't know why everyone collectively decided to bring up my father today but it's just making my blood boil even more.

I stand up and walk over to my vanity and push my hands down on it before spinning back around.

"What is with everyone and dad today!" I lash out knowing the words I'm going to say I can't take back.

"It really doesn't fucking matter what he thinks because he's dead Athena! Honestly if he was still alive I don't give a shit about what he would think!" I yell, my blood boiling even more.

I know that if my dad was still alive I wouldn't be doing this, and she knows it too. I don't want to hurt Athena even more.

"Just get out Athena." I tell her as I look down seeing the tears on her face.

"Hope why can't you just be good? Not for me or mom but for dad." She asks and that's when I hit my breaking point.

"Get the fuck out of my room Athena! You don't understand shit! You were 9 when he died so you don't know anything about what happened or how I feel! Get out!" I scream at her and the tears start flowing down from my eyes and hers start flowing more.

She gets up and runs to the door, she unlocks it and slams it shut. I walk back over and lock it not wanting to be bothered again. I get to my bed and lay down too tired and emotionally drained to change out of my dirty clothes. I just laid still and waited for the darkness to consume me for I know now that I've dug myself a hole and I'm in too deep.