Eight Shots of Espresso | Na Jaemin

Chapter 16

Instead of going home straight, Jaemin went to the peaceful river to clear his mind. But no matter how much he tried, his mind would still go back to you.

He could vividly remember the look on your face when he said that he regretted offering you friendship. He had no idea that he would actually live a life where he would make you cry, but he did, and he was so disappointed of himself.

"I shouldn't have said that," he whispered under his breath as he leaned on the steering wheel.

Everything was so heavy and messy and all he wanted to do was to run away from all of it. Run away from his reality and go to a place where nobody knew who he was. That was the plan, until you came.

It was fate that you met each other again after a long time and he finally realized that it was wrong to blame everything on you. You had no idea, and he had no intention of telling anything in the first place.

But the damage has been done no matter how much he regret it.

Feeling suffocated inside his car, he unstrapped the seatbelt and opened the door to get out. The cool breeze of night welcomed him when he stepped out and slammed the door close. He wrapped his jacket tighter around his body as he suddenly felt cold.

He wanted to forget this night, grab a drink until he pass out but he didn't like the taste of alcohol.

"Alcoholic drinks are not good for the body when you drink too much. Plus, it's so bitter," his mother would always say.

He smiled when he recalled that memory.

His mother was his treasure. She kept the family together and it pained him to witness how they fell apart when she died. He loved his mother so much that he followed everything she said until he grew up.

He followed everything but one.

"Even when I'm no longer here, I want you to find happiness and always be kind. I will watch over you."

Those were her dying words and a wish he didn't fulfill.

"Mom..." he breathed. "I'm so... so lonely."

Jaemin was dying inside. He wanted to cry so bad but no tears were forming. One of the most painful thing that a human had to endure is to silently fall apart. No means of outlet to express the pain. Just staring into the void and feel the pain. Like what Jaemin was doing.

"I'm so disappointed with myself," he said. "I made her cry, Mom. I hurt her with my words. I regret it..."

Seeing you cry was one of his weaknesses. He couldn't bear to see you shed a tear but tonight, he was the reason why your tear fell.

"What have I done?"

Hours later, he decided to drive back to his house where Jeno was anxiously waiting. Since Jaemin left with the car, Haechan had to drive him back home. He was sitting on the pavement in front of the gate when he noticed the familiar car. He stood up and opened the gate for Jaemin to park his car inside the garage. Nobody said a word until they're both inside the house.

"Tell me what the hell did just happen? Where did you run off? I've been waiting for you for hours. You're not answering my calls either," Jeno began the moment they stepped inside the house. Jaemin was tired but he knew Jeno wouldn't leave him alone unless he gives him answers.

"I fucked up."

"What happened?"

Jaemin told him everything, the call he received from his father, how he learned that his father hired someone to monitor him, even the part when he said he regret being friends with you again. Jeno kept quiet the whole time and listened to his best friend. When Jaemin finished, he looked so dejected. With his shoulders slumped, he looked small and vulnerable.