Song Fics

Self Control

Poolside convo about your summer last night, ooh yeah

About your summer last night

Ain't give you no play, mm

Could I make you shive last night?

Could I make you shy on the last night, last night?

Could we make it in? Do we have time?

I'll be the boyfriend in your wet dreams tonight

Noses on a rail, little virgin wears the white

You cut your hair but you used to live a blonded life

Wish I was there, wish we'd grown up on the same advice

And our time was right

Keep a place for me, for me

I'll sleep between y'all, it's nothing

It's no thing, it's nothing

Keep a place for me, for me

Lana looked different. Her once blonde, curly fro was now black and slicked back tightly behind her ear. She looked older, but in a good way; more mature, like the things she wouldn't put up with any of the shit she once did. That intrigued yet frightened Milo.

He had changed too.

He was sober now, his lips had not touched a drop of alcohol in about a year.

Lana triggered that.

He also grew out his waves into a curly Brooklyn fade that somehow managed to make him look younger than he already was. For a moment, they just stared at each other. As if they were taking in all the differences, all the changes, and just each other as a whole. A year ago, they were in a completely different position.

They were still together, having screaming matches, and just being genuinely miserable despite being profusely in love with each other. But sometimes that isn't enough and in this case, it wasn't. Now black haired Lana was in a happy and healthy relationship. And despite finding comfort in his sobriety, Milo was alone, clutching tightly on to the idea that one day he and Lana were going to get back together.

"Let's go sit by the pool." Milo says, breaking the silence and slowly making his way over to his pool. He kicks his slides off, sits down, and dips his feet in.

"Like old times." States Lana, a shy smile playing at her lips as she mimics Milo previous actions. It doesn't take long for easy conversation to flow. It was always like that between them. Never awkward. They've always talked like two old friends and never ran out of things to talk about. It was truly impressive considering they had not seen or spoken to each other since the night they broke up. As they spoke, Milo couldn't help but truly take her in again. Her smile, the little pause she does to catch her stutter, how she always seemed out of breath when she spoke. They were incredibly little things but it was enough to solidify the fact that his feelings had not wavered, in fact he believes that they even got stronger despite her boyfriend or the fact she seems like a completely different person. He loved her and there probably wasn't anything in the world that could change that. He selfishly hoped that she would always make room for him and keep a small place for him in her heart, because God knows her place in his is not only spacious, but will always be present.

Now and then you miss it, sounds make you cry

Some nights you dance with tears in your eyes

I came to visit, 'cause you see me like a UFO

Lana couldn't help but lean into Milo as she spoke to him. He was so different now but in a good way. It would be stupid for her to deny the feeling that she thought were once a thing of the past were simply not that anymore. Deep down, she always knew that Milo was always going to have this type of hold on her. Things were different with him; he brought out a side of her that no one was ever able to do, not even her current boyfriend...who she was trying to continuously think about and consider as she spoke to her ex boyfriend. But she missed Milo and it would be silly for her to deny it...at least to herself. 

Isn't this some fucked up shit. 

She remembered giving herself a pep talk before entering his home. She thought she had mustered up enough self control to be able to see him and not have any old feelings resurface. Now look at her. A giggling and giddy mess.

 This wasn't fair to anyone.

 Not to her, not to Milo, not to her boyfriend. This was destined to end in disaster and for that reason, Lana abruptly stood from her position by the pool and quietly made her way to the door.

That's like never, 'cause I made you use your self-control

And you made me lose my self-control, my self-control

Milo knew exactly what that meant and took time to compose himself before following her. He finally caught up to her and before he could say anything Lana states, "We can't do this again." His heart sinks and he tries to ignore the sharp pain he feels at her words. Instinctively, he leans in but she quickly turns away and leaves.

I, I, I know you got someone comin'

You're spittin' game, know you got it