Always, omi

Part9

08/19/20

Dear Atsumu,

You are such a precious being. I realized this because for the past couple of days, we have been together 24/7. With your break from work, you spent all day right beside me. We were inseparable for the most part and you'd suddenly ask if I was happy being like this, being with you there. I would just smile and you would understand it right away.

My parents came to visit the other day. I don't know if you noticed, too, but they looked sad. They forced their smiles too much that I could see right through them. You gave us some time and left the room. I've gotten comfortable with them since they visited often. I no longer tried to visualize what parents and a child should be; I acted freely. My Dad asked how I was doing. I told them I was doing fine. I didn't tell them about my constant headaches, though. I stopped telling you this as well. I don't like seeing people get worried about me more than they already are. But it's fine. I can sleep the headache away.

It turned out that they brought a photo album of me from when I was a baby up until my late years of being a teenager before I moved out for college. They were reminiscing the memories each picture held and I listened to them, imagining the scenes but only coming up with hazy visions. I noticed my Mother get emotional by my side, so I reached out my hand and placed it on top of hers. This made her cry. My Dad watched with a heartwarming smile. Maybe something really connects family together no matter the circumstance, because I found myself crying as well— over years worth of memories and relationships and emotions lost somewhere in my mind, and over these new memories that have somehow formed a new, stronger bond.

You came back just as they were leaving. Something about you felt off so I asked where you were and what you did that made you act like that. In an instant, there was a smile on your face. You waved a hand, saying that it was nothing. I wanted to ask more but you were trying too hard to smile and divert the topic so I figured it wasn't really that important. For some reason, the way you smiled reminded me of my parents'. But maybe I was overthinking things.

Last night, I wanted to get some fresh air, so you helped me with the wheelchair and brought me to the rooftop. It was quiet. And cold. You steered my wheelchair by the railings for me to see a better view of the city lights. Amazed would be an understatement of what I felt seeing the view for the first time. I could see vehicles from the roads below and I wondered where each of them were headed. I could see lights from windows of buildings and wondered what the people inside were doing. I had so many thoughts at that time but the flash from your camera cut me off. You were taking pictures of me.

"Omi-kun, you always loved the city lights!" I remember you exclaiming as you let your eyes wander over the view. I was staring at you as you were lost in the lights and talking. I couldn't really hear everything you said then. When you turned and saw me staring, your expression changed. Worry crossed your face. You rushed towards me, bent your knees to get into eye contact with me, and asked if I was okay, if it was too cold, said that you never should've brought me there because I'd probably get a cold or a headache. It took me a moment to react and tell you it was okay, that I was just admiring you. This made you quiet. You looked so precious and vulnerable then. I couldn't help myself. I kissed you.

Trust me when I say I didn't mean to, but I will not lie and say I didn't want to. It had been something that lingered on my mind for a while now.

You froze for a moment before you kissed me back and when we pulled away, we both had the same bashful expression on our faces. I know that you and I had more intimate moments than that kiss before the accident happened; we're engaged, after all. I forgot about all those and you haven't, but you still acted surprised as if we kissed the first time. When I asked you why, you answered softly, slightly teasing: "That was technically the second time you had your first kiss, Omi-kun."

I opened my mouth to restate but I realized you were right. And I'm pretty sure the both of us wanted to stay in that moment. But something I had been wanting to say couldn't wait anymore.

You were always the one who reached out for my hand during my hardest times, so when I reached out and held your hands last night, I could tell by the look in your eyes that that meant a lot to you.

There was an undeniable silence for a moment before I told you the words: I love you.

Your eyes welled with tears and I could see how happy you were. The first thing you said was "thank you" and I almost laughed at the irony, but I could tell by the smile you gave me how much you meant it. I could tell that the words that followed your "thank you" were "for loving me again. Just as I never stopped loving you." and that was all that mattered.

If it had not been for the rain, we would have stayed at the rooftop longer. We went back to the room and kept quiet, mostly because words didn't have to be exchanged anymore. I looked at you and you looked at me and somehow, that was enough.

Always,

Omi

P.S. You are so beautiful.