reaching to your reality

five

I hate you.

I hate you so much that it puts me to sleep without dreaming of anything. I hate you to death that I wouldn't be here if only you didn't teach me anything. I hate you with every second that I wouldn't be here if only you didn't let me see the beauty of the world but you can't even see what I see. I hate you every minute I have to peek at my phone to stare at you in my wallpaper for how long until I imagine to hear you telling me to rest and then I was able to, compared to the days I was so busy and was so desperate to feel at peace that all the threads inside my mind was tangling up, it had to function to forgetting that I have you. I hate you so much that I can feel you understand me and I can't even find someone within my reach to be my comfort aside from you. I fucking hate you so much I can't even feel the embraces you deserve and I deserve from you, that you were only made to exist in someone's playing mind yet I still crave for it. I hate you very much I want to scream to you but all the words were, "why weren't you real?" "why can't I hold you." "why can't I run to you to hold me?"

I hate you so much that I want to close my eyes and tell me to stop this madness but my brain tells me otherwise. I hate you so much that my body wouldn't care about the amount of frustration I feel inside because when all that my brain screams is to run, run, run away from you it seems that the world is playing with me and end up finding myself standing from the same place where I met you and your comfort.

it sucks, you're not even real.