(Complete) Charlie's life is slowly spiraling out of control. Her mother is useless, her relationship with her boyfriend Gavin is a train wreck and the bruises she has to cover up are all becoming too much for her to bear.
Tanner has it all. He has...
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I walk out of the automatic doors, leading me to the hospital parking lot and the numb feeling- that I was silently hoping would stick around a little longer- diminishes almost immediately as the cool air whips me in the face. As soon as I feel the melt down coming on, I run as fast as I can and lucky for me, I make it to my car before I completely lose my shit.
I'm slamming my fists against the steering wheel and smacking the sun visor. With one whack a picture flutters down, landing in my lap. It's a strip of photos that Tanner and I had taken a month or so back. The school had a photo booth set up on campus for spirit week and I begged him to take a picture with me. It only took a second of whining before he finally agreed.
I pick up the picture, holding it in my shaky hands and it does nothing to stop the tears that are freely flowing down my cheeks. My chest aches and I want nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around me, but I threw that chance out of the window when I turned down his offer to come see me.
The stupid girl in me was hoping that I'd get home and see him sitting in the Ramirez's driveway but I don't get my hopes up. I didn't give him much of a choice in the matter. I told him no.
I pull into the driveway about fifteen minutes later and my hopes of him being here are deflated when the only cars in the driveway are Lydia and Isaac's. Tears spring to the corners of my eyes and I let them fall before hastily wiping them away.
I slip inside of the Ramirez house without saying a word and make my way up to the spare bedroom, closing the door behind me. I sink down into the queen sized bed and curl up into myself as I let the tears fall. I think about my mother and how when I got to the hospital she was laying in the hospital bed, sleeping. She looked so peaceful and this awful voice inside my head was reminding me of all of the bad things that my mom has put me through, telling me that she didn't deserve this level of peace when I was falling the fuck apart.
I tucked away the voice and sat by her bedside for three hours before I felt my eyes starting to get heavy. I gave her a kiss on the head and left. That visit, that taunting voice in the back of my head was driving me crazy. I needed to leave. But leaving didn't relieve the huge knot of pain that I felt in my chest. It only grew bigger.
I think about Tanner and how in a few weeks, our simple relationship had been plagued with so much drama and hardship that I couldn't keep my head from spinning.
I let it all out. I cry, for hours until I can't anymore- until I think all of the tears my body can produce have been expelled and are now dried up all over my face. Now the numbness is back and I stare up at the ceiling, the knot in my chest getting bigger as the minutes tick by.
~
I don't know how long it takes me to fall asleep, but when I wake up I can feel the salty sheet of grit coating my cheeks from last nights tears and my body is so stiff that I'm afraid if I move, I'll break.
