I watch the news
Follow the reports
I thought I might feel some relief
Not just feeling some distant hope
But maybe the end of this actually happeningI knew I'd feel far from celebrating
But maybe just some joy
Of seeing loved ones again
Of getting back to the things
Resuming a life put on holdI'm numb at best
On a good day I can pretend
To put on a smile
And fake my way though
Without too much effortDifficult days my sarcasm slips
Caustic venom drips
Like tears from loss
To wide swaths of disappointment
Separating wheat from chaffIt's a long road to okay
As limbs drag heavy
Like chains through mud
In the absence of panic and rage
A contemplative emptiness residesWhat now
With the push to normal
While there's still so much awful
Fearing the hubris of the lucky
And greed of the privilegedWhat do I do with this twisted mess
Of stretched out springs
Brittle rubber bands
And terrible coping mechanisms
Holding me together
What do I do with these walls
Impressive and intimidating.
Not to keep people away
But to keep my pessimism in
Preventing its roots growing elsewhereI can't stay here
With my acrid mistrust
My wrung out anxiety
Floating helplessly untethered
As I venture into unfamiliar waters
YOU ARE READING
wanderings
Разноеclearing thoughts out of my head note: sensitive topics and potential triggers marked with an asterisk in the title *