The cut that always bleeds

Perfect

Three months ago....

I watched my as they dragged my father from the house from my bedroom window, wearing my favourite dressing gown. A smile adorned on my face. A breath of relief. My siblings came and sat gingerly next to me.

"Is it all over?" My sister asked in a small voice. My brother, despite being the oldest, looked at me for reassurance, worry engraved all over his face.

One small nod from me and two small sighs of relief from them, entrusted me that everything would go smoothly from here on out.

It has to.

Present day...

My alarm roared out loud, as I punched it off the table to get it to shut up. I felt groggy and so tired. My eyes shot open. Today was the start of junior year. The first day. I was ready for the first time ever. I really wanted to experience this in my way. And, the best part.

I finally get to see Rylen.

Now I'm excited. Rylen is my perfectly perfect crush. I've liked him so long even though he only really talks to me twice a year.

Whatever, I'm just happy I get to see him. The thing is with Rylen, he is a simple crush. I don't spend my waking hours thinking about him or what he said to me that day. As previously mentioned, he doesn't really speak to me. So I'm never analysing his actions or something. It's all pre planned and perfect.

I jump out of bed and get showered and do my morning activities. Realising what a mess my hair resembled, I grabbed my flat iron, and straightened my hair. I never really wore make up as I didn't own any. I never felt the need to put it on.

I wore my new Woodland High uniform, my black pleated skirt with a pair of black tights, my school shirt and black logoed jumper with my blue blazer on top. Now, I'm certainly not a goodie girl who loves uniform ; I literally hate it so I always spice it up by wearing jewellery or something different. Today was rings and stack up bracelets.

The Neighbourhood's 'Stargazing' was playing in the back, making want to jump around, but I needed to get my ass downstairs.

"Hayden, get down here now please!" Screamed my mother. Not the screaming, come on mom it's like 7 in the morning.

"Yes mother, I'm coming." Ugh I cringed so hard when I said that.

'Stop it Hayden. Dirty thoughts.' I thought to myself.

I quickly poured myself cereal and ate.

"Ew you literally look disgusting." My sister rudely pointed out .She was in 5th grade and acted as if she was some sort of know it all. Mm. I wonder where she gets it from. Figuratively points to myself.

"Yeah well at least I'm not short and ugly like you..... okay I'm joking, don't take it seriously." I don't want to give my sister an insecurity, or remind her of what our father used to say to her. I gave her a quick smile whilst she laughed.

"Hayden, you're going to be late, get going to school please. And leave your sister alone."

"Yeah yeah, see you later." I kissed my mom goodbye, said a quick prayer and walked to school. I didn't live too far so the walk was only 5 minutes.

My friends, Tasia and Lilly were waiting for me at the entrance of the school.

Tasia's long raven hair was curled in ringlets that rested across her torso, her pearly earrings shining brightly, as the sun above bathed in her golden undertones of her skin. Tasia was my close friend, who had always been with me since kindergarten. I loved her to bits. Even though she has the tendency to lie a lot I love her nonetheless. It's not like we can all be perfect.

Lily was the definition of beautiful. She had darker skin, with a sharp jawline and short black hair, that reached just above her shoulders. Her make up was always perfect, and her uniform just looked so good, as it hugged her body and showed off her curves. Lily was my best friend. I loved her, and I know she loved me too. I am her favourite person after all.

I wish I looked like my friends. Not only are they so pretty, they had a stunning figure, that left the boys drooling over them. I wish I had someone who had a crush on me, like how they do on Lily and Tasia. I wonder what that feels like. Knowing someone's undivided attention is always on you. I wonder.

"Hey bitch. What you just gonna stand there? Hug. Right now." Lily literally ran up to me to hug me. I felt special. I wrapped my arms around her tenderly, as Tasia came and hugged us, so we were hugging in a group of three. Nothing felt more right. But I still felt like something about this felt off. I was unsure. Whatever, must of been the cereal I ate this morning having a nasty reaction in my stomach.

We all walked inside the building to our lockers, bumbling with excitement and talking over one another with stories of the summer. Apparently Tasia nearly fell into a well? Or wall? I found myself zoning out of the conversation as my thoughts swam fast in my mind. That strong feeling that something bad is gonna happen at some point just kept tapping at my brain, but I was refusing to let it in. Nothing bad can happen. I need to stop.

I suffered from bad cases of anxiety. It wasn't too major, but it could get really bad at points, where it affects my daily performances. I never told anyone, but my mother. No one knew what happened with my family. And I'd like to keep it that way. I came back to the conversation, but literally had no idea what they were saying.