A/N: NEW COVER! :)
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My chest is tight, it feels like my lungs are shrinking, burning. I'm hyperventilating, unable to speak anymore and just attempting to return some oxygen to my body.
I thought it was somehow karma for my lifestyle, but I was wrong. It feels like a weight is lifted off of me now, one I had been baring for 3 years. I didn't deserve it.
My sobs are slowly but surely becoming more contained, as I focus solely on the feeling of Luca's hand slowly rubbing in circular motions on my mid-back. He buries his head into the crook between my shoulder and neck, holding my head to him with his other hand, combing his fingers through my hair. The strands slightly damp from the shower I had taken before dinner.
Luca just holds me silently once my cries begin to stop completely. He always knows when not to ask questions, when to just be here. With me.
I yawn a little bit, pure exhaustion truly hitting me now. Luca somehow notices, pulling back and looking at me for a second, and I'm sure the sight is appalling, my puffy eyes, red cheeks and nose, dried tears and probably already frizzy hair. If he finds it so though, it doesn't show on his face.
His eyebrows scrunch when he takes in the sight, and his frown deepens, his jaw tightens, but none of it conveys what I thought it would as he wipes a few stray tears away.
"You need to sleep. I need to go and figure out how to up your security." He's leaving? No no no no no.
"Stay." The word is out of my mouth before I can control it, my hands subconsciously gripping his biceps. "Please."
My eyes search his, until his gaze meets mine, a mixture of surprise and something else I can't quite put my finger on showing through his expression. "Are you sure?" His eyebrows crease a little more. "I need to make sure you're safe and-"
"Do it tomorrow?" I meant for it to come off as a demand, but it came off to what it truly was, a plea.
He's silent for a few before giving a small nod, making me feel ten times better. Then I'm abruptly lifted up from my spot on Luca, and I feel my legs dangle in the air for a second while his own reach the ground. Then he places me sitting on the edge of the bed, moves towards the closet, picks up the bags we had gone in to get from his car earlier, and retrieves some random pair of pajamas.
With the set in hand, he walks back over to me and places it on my lap. Very light taps of rain can be heard against the window, the room otherwise silent.
When Luca turns and seems to be making his way for the door, I begin to panic again. Internally, that is. I clamp my lips together to prevent myself from bombarding him, and stick my hands under my thighs to stop myself from reaching out and grabbing him.
I just need him. And I don't know why.
My eyes stay trained on him as he does in fact walk out the door, shutting it behind him with a deafening click.
Why did he say he would stay if he wasn't going to?
I refuse to do anything more though, if he didn't want to stay, then that's fine with me.
Right?
I sit there for a few beats silently, then eventually find myself in my closet, undressing and throwing the dirty garments into the hamper. I put the pajama shorts on, fairly long as both pieces are mainly just for comfort. They reach around my mid-thigh, whereas the tank top I put on next reaches right below my belly button.
I pull my hair up into a ponytail and work a little quicker to turn the lights out, feeling the cold air hit me due to my change of clothes. I walk to the few steps to the bathroom, that same question regarding his absence lingering in my mind. I do my routine, which consists of washing my face, brushing my teeth, and moisturizing.
