Garden of Roses ✔️

Chapter 14

Zara

What the hell was that?

As I get back inside my room, I slam the door shut and lean my back on them. I open the water bottle and take a few large gulps. If I didn't need any water before, I certainly do now. My heart is racing and I wonder if it's because of me practically sprinting to my room or because of my encounter with Dante in the kitchen.

Probably both.

Why does he have to be so interested in who I am? He didn't even attempt to ask me, but I saw it in his eyes. He knew that I wouldn't tell him anyway. Still, that didn't stop him from trying to find some answers on his own.

When he looked at me so intensely, I was sure he was about to figure it out. I could see by the way he looked at me that he knew something was not right with me. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Or could he? Did he figure it out? No, he didn't. If he did, I would already be dead.

What will happen when he does figure it out? It was just a matter of time, and I was painfully aware of that.

My plans have changed, and now instead of planning his murder, I am living at his house and I'm forced to work for him. Not only me but my team too. How the hell did this happen? How did he get the upper hand? The answer to that question is obvious, although I don't want to admit it. It's my fault. I screwed up, that's how.

This isn't how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be watching him closely, tracking his every move, waiting for the right moment to take him down. It wasn't supposed to be easy. He was the powerful Don after all, but I wasn't expecting easy. I was ready to do whatever it takes to eliminate that whole family.

That would include Camilla too.

Damn it.

Why did she have to be so nice and kind to me? What the hell was wrong with her? I was the enemy. I was coming for them and she sympathized with me and begged for my life. She managed to convince Dante to give me a chance. If I were somehow to get back the upper hand, would I even be able to kill Camilla? She didn't even know me, but she also didn't ask. She was just kind. I would even go so far as to call her my friend. Now the question is, am I able to kill my friend? And If I am, do I even want to? Would that make me an even worse monster than I think Dante is?

How do you kill a monster without becoming one yourself? The quote I read somewhere now replays in my head over and over again.

I don't want to kill Camilla. Hell, I kind of don't want to kill Dante at the moment, either. At the same moment I can't help but feel like I am betraying my parents. I've known what I had to do my whole life. It was obvious. I trained for it, prepared for it for eighteen years. My goal was crystal clear. Destroy the Salvatori family just like they've destroyed mine.

It didn't matter that the two of them had nothing to do with what happened to my family. They were kids. It was just how it worked with the mafia. You destroy something of mine, I destroy something of yours. The innocent casualties don't matter. The only thing that matters is getting revenge. And in all seriousness, Dante would hardly be an innocent casualty. From what I've heard, he was just as cruel and heartless as his father. Although, I had yet to see that side of him. People say a lot of things. For example how I... bathe in human blood. I still can't get over that one.

There is something else that keeps going through my mind. Camilla's words about their father. How inhumanely he treated them. When she spoke the words, I almost didn't even hear them. I was too focused on Dante's bullet awaiting me. Now her words are crawling their way into my mind and I can't push them out even if I wanted to.

She talked about how different Dante was trying to be from their father. That moment seemed almost rehearsed. It was clear that it wasn't the first time Camilla had to intervene and pull Dante out of the depths of his darkness. He was fighting. Not only himself but also his father's voice inside of him. She talked about his legacy, about righting the wrongs, about not being forced to prove a point.

The words didn't mean anything to me then. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. Dante always seemed on edge. His moods changed so rapidly, he was almost erratic. Like a split personality.

I couldn't help but acknowledge how similar we were in that aspect. I too was constantly split between my two personas and often felt like I was trying to fight myself. I am doing it right now. I had my Regina del Sangue personality to keep me safe, and I shifted into another person when I had to. Dante saw that.

Maybe him staring at me wasn't because he recognized me as the little girl who used to play with him, but because he saw himself in me. He recognized a person who was probably just as damaged as he was and had the same struggles. In me, he recognized the person who is never sure if what she's doing is right, who is always torn between two parts of herself. A person whose inner battle is always present and who is also hunted by her past, and he has no idea just how much.

His intense gaze earlier was focused on something much deeper than just my eyes. I wonder if he maybe did see my soul and the toll that my inner battle took on it. He surely saw something. Something that almost hypnotized him until I pulled away. Our similarities didn't need to be spoken to be recognized and felt.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I wasn't exactly expecting to find anything in common with Dante. It was unnerving and yet another thing that didn't go as planned.

I was also dreading the moment when Dante realizes who I truly am. What will happen then? I know that his first instinct will be to end my life instantly. My identity, paired with his rage when he finds out I've been lying to him this whole time will surely be overwhelming. I know that he won't be able to restrain himself, even if he wanted to. And also, who says that he will want to?

The fact that we had some similarities didn't mean that he would hesitate to end my life. Maybe he was not actively thinking about my death at the moment, but that still doesn't mean I can relax and count on it. I don't mean anything to him. One wrong move and I'm done. I have to be aware of that.

And what about Bianca, Gabi, and Alex? He'll kill them too without even thinking about it. I wouldn't be surprised if he went for the bunker next and attacked my people there too.

I feel the panic starting to crawl its way back inside me and tighten its grip around my chest. I'm trying to slow down my breathing as I gasp for air. The ache in my chest is still not going away. If anything, it is only getting worse.

There are so many possibilities, revelations, potential scenarios, and only one possible outcome. Whatever happens, whatever I do, the outcome stays the same. In the end, my people and I will end up dead, that's for sure. It only leaves one more choice for me to make. After our job is done, do we run immediately, or do we try to kill them first?

It hurts me to even think about that right now, even though I know that it is simply inevitable. There will come a moment when I will have to choose between running and hiding for probably the rest of my life, or killing my friend and her brother.

I feel the tears soaking my cheeks and I sink my nails into my arms, trying to focus on something else. I press my nails into my skin as hard as I can, giving my best to concentrate on the pain that I feel from tearing my flesh.

The pain is real. My thoughts are not.

The pain is real. My thoughts are not.

As the pain gets worse, my heart rate gradually gets lower and my breathing slowly becomes more even.

My breaths get deeper as I continue the assault on myself, not letting go until my tears stop falling, my chest doesn't ache anymore, and my breathing goes completely back to normal.

I'm calm again, I think to myself as I let go and look at my forearms, which are now bleeding. I practically stumble to the bed. All of my energy is drained as I collapse onto the bed and fall asleep instantly.