Speak [Narry]

Chapter 2

What made him do it, Harry has no clue. All he knows is that he's snooping around Liam's bedroom, desperately trying to find the letter Niall had written to him. He did say he wrote a letter to them, right? To make sure, Harry grabbed his letter out of his back pocket and read it up until it said Niall had written to the other boys. Good. He wasn't going crazy.

"Come on." Harry muttered, frustrated. He checked his letter for the seventh time in twenty minutes as if that would tell him straight-up where Liam's letter was.

(Anyways, tell the boys they'll find their notes in their room, just like you found yours.)

Where had I found mine exactly? Harry asked himself. He struggled to remember. Think, Harold, think. It's for Niall.

"Pillow!" Harry accidentally said out loud in sudden realization. He didn't care, though- he said it quietly. "I found mine under my pillow."

Harry ran over to Liam's bed and ripped his pillows off his bed, but there was no note. He took an impatient deep breath and picked up Liam's pillows. As Harry was fluffing them and trying to make them look natural again, something crumpled under his hand. Harry stuck his hand under the pillow case and pulled out what he had crushed. It was a piece of paper - the letter! Harry unfolded it and started reading.

Dear Liam,

I hate to do this to you. You're my best friend. I never wanted to leave you. You, in addition to Zayn, were the only one who was there for me when I told you Harry hated me. You (and Zayn, of course) were the only people who knew I loved him. You helped me.

It's weird to have to explain this to so many people - why I'm writing to them, why I'm telling them their own secrets, but I guess I have to. I don't wanna words these all the same, because writing supposedly helps get over depression. Maybe the more words I write, the happier I'll feel, but if you're reading this right now, Liam, it didn't work.

I'm dead.

Harry stopped, his eyes blurring with tears. He wiped away the few that came down his cheeks and held the rest of them back.

Liam, with everyone else, I took some time to tell them their secret, but with you, I can't. You guys will be home any minute and I want to be gone before then. So I'm just gonna come out and say it. The secret I kept for you - you already know - is that we had this sort of 'secret relationship'. You kissed me once and left me confused. A few days later, you kissed me again but you touched me as well. Then one day, a few weeks after that, you just took me. I didn't protest, or you wouldn't have done it, but I didn't understand why you did it. Did you like me? Love me? Was it just a game? It's been two weeks since that happened, and you still haven't said anything about it. You're still with Danielle, so I don't understand. You cheated on her with me, and I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with that. Danielle is a lovely girl, and you just went and picked me over her three times, then you went and ran back to her and I don't . . . I don't know, okay? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, what I'm supposed to think, what I can do - I wanted to know, I wanted answers, but it seems like I won't get any.

This didn't help. I still feel like shit. I'm still gonna kill myself. I'm still giving up. I'm sorry.

I love you, Liam. You were my best friend - even if you confused me, maybe even hurt me a little.

That was it. Harry raised his eyebrow. It only went to a few lines on the back, unlike his. Harry stared at the note for a while, feeling confused. Had Liam really done that? Or was this just a gag letter to fool him?

Harry was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice that Liam had walked into the room. "So you know now, huh?"

Harry jumped. He went to say something, already stuttering out strings of incoherent words, but Liam cut him off.

"It's okay, Harry. I don't care anymore. It was stupid for me to do that in the first place." Liam sat on the bed and grabbed one of his pillows, curling up against it. Harry sat down with him.

"Why did you do it?" Harry asked. He was honestly puzzled. He could never imagine Liam doing something like that.

Liam shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think . . . I think I was just . . . lonely. I know, it's awful, but I really just . . . I didn't want to be alone, and he was there for me, and I just - I took advantage of him and look at what it did - it made him kill himself."

"It wasn't you, Li." Harry whispered as a tear fell from his eye. "It was my fault. He loved me, Liam. He loved me and I said some cruel things, I just up and fucking left him alone. He thought I hated him, but I didn't. I just said some nasty stuff when I thought he wasn't around. I don't know why I said it, I just, I-I said-"

Harry handed Liam the note and pointed him to where he should read. Liam frowned at Harry when he had finished. "Why the fuck would you say that?"

"I didn't hate him. I hated the fact that he made me feel like that. I just went all out and I didn't know what I was saying. Louis understood but it's fine if you don't - even I don't understand."

"No, no I get it." Liam assured. "But, did you, like, not think he liked you?"

"Yeah. I didn't think he liked me, much less loved me." Harry sighed. "I didn't think . . . I didn't . . . I didn't want him to die, Liam."

Harry burst into tears, sobs racking his body. Liam pulled Harry close and hugged him tight, so tight he could barely breathe, but it didn't make any difference. He was choking on sobs anyways.

"None of us did. We all took an equal part in breaking him, and if we'd known what we were doing we would've been more careful. I would've told Danielle I had cheated, which I should have done in the first place, and you would've told him you loved him. Zayn and Louis would've done whatever they had to do, as well as his family and such. It's sad that this had to happen, honestly, but there's nothing we can do now. He's . . . gone."

"B-but we can do something. We can read everyone's letters, w-we can see what they did a-and if Niall gave anyone some sort of clue to where he was going and-"

"No, Harry," Liam said, "we can't just snoop on other people's business. We-"

"We have to!" Harry said. "The boy I love is somewhere out there, maybe killing himself as we speak. Either that or he's headed some place to do it. I took a part in breaking him and I don't care how much you try to stop me, I'm going to fix him.