Speak [Narry]

Chapter 7

Surprise update! It's Niall's birthday and I had this written, so I figured I'd publish it.

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Niall found himself back in Ireland. He wondered if his family was looking for him. If they were, well, that would put him in danger of being found.

He wasn't in Mullingar. Mullingar was a small town and there was absolutely no doubt he would be found. He didn't want to be found.

He's seen the tweets, especially the ones from the boys. It upsets him, because he can't reply. He can't reply without making them think he was okay.

Niall wasn't okay. He was far from it.

The letter in his back pocket- the one he wrote to himself- felt like it was weighing him down. It was as if it suddenly weighed eight tons and was trying to sink him into the Earth.

Niall wouldn't have minded if it did.

Niall couldn't remember the last time he ate. He's been away from home for seventeen days now. He hasn't eaten since the fourth day he was away. So that was, what, thirteen days now?

Niall looked around. He should find some place to eat. Maybe he could sit down at a restaurant and eat. When the boys were out together, the waiters were always older. They were never fans. One Direction had lots of luck in restaurants. They could have a quiet meal and not get mobbed by fans like they did everywhere else.

Niall liked this peace. He liked running around and avoiding the media. He loved the boys and the fans, but he liked this little break.

He stopped in his tracks. "Little break." That little break would end soon.

Niall had never gotten the help he intended to get. He had no time to stop at a therapist, much less stick around to get better with one.

He was going to take the easy way out. He had to. Only it wasn't easy. He wanted to do this but he wasn't ready. It was complicated, the way he wad thinking. He didn't even know how to do this.

Maybe he could just jump off a building. That seemed like the right way to go. Maybe a cliff? He didn't feel like buying pills to overdose. Knowing his luck, fans would find him while he was waiting the couple hours for the pills to work and he would die.

Building- that's what Niall decided. He'd jump off a building. Where? He didn't know. When? He didn't know.

He continued walking.

Niall always felt as if he were being watched. He knew how people peeked out their windows, hoping to see Niall walking down their street. He knew they were checking up with each other and other people, desperately trying to find him.

Niall felt bad, because he was making everyone who mattered to him feel bad. He didn't like feeling like this. He didn't like making other people feel sad and worried.

Niall stopped again. He didn't want to get food. He's just lost his appetite.

He was tired, so he decided to stay in a hotel tonight. He hadn't slept in five days. He was so jet-lagged he could die.

Niall began walking again.

He hated thinking about death, lately. The reasons were obvious. Why was he so scared? He wanted to do this. He did. He promised himself. He wanted to.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his head down. His hood was already up, so nobody could see his hair. He wore tattered jeans and a blue T-Shirt. He felt exposed, but he was alright. Nobody had spotted him yet.

Checking into the hotel was easy enough. The woman who checked him in was old, and she didn't seem to know who he was- nothing more than someone who wanted a place to stay for the night. Someone with only a backpack of their belongings.

Niall managed to get to the elevator without any recognition. He got to his floor, and a girl going into the elevator shrieked as he got out.

"You're Niall Horan!" She shouted, pulling out her phone and snapping a picture. Niall, frantic, ran off.

She didn't follow him or even shout after him. She was way too busy tweeting the picture.

@Harry_Styles I found Niall! He's in Ireland! I literally just ran into him in my hotel!

She linked the picture and told him what hotel in what town in what part of Ireland.

She didn't notice the elevator closing in front of her. She didn't care. She'd forgotten what she was going to go on another floor for anyhow.

Meanwhile, Niall was running blindly to his room. He got there eventually, after about five minutes of searching. He ducked into the room quickly and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him.

He took his bookbag off his shoulders and collapsed, sobbing, on the carpeted floor.

He thought he'd been safe. Now he was in the middle of a panic attack on a hotel floor in a part of Ireland he'd never even known existed.

Why does this happen to me? Niall thought, and he found himself vocalizing his thoughts until he was screaming it into a pillow he'd grabbed off his bed.

Soon, he had cried and screamed himself out, and he fell asleep on the floor, backpack by his leg, and arms wrapped tightly around a pillow his face was buried in.

He didn't want Harry to find him.