Speak [Narry]

Chapter 4

This took a long time I'm sorry

*

Niall lay in the grass, staring up at the dark storm clouds above him. He fiddled with his thumbs, sighing into the cold breeze that swept over him. His hands still ached from all the letters he'd written- four for each of the boys, three for his family, three for Perrie, Danielle, and Eleanor, two for their stupid management, five for the people who'd hurt him, and one for himself, which he kept safe in his back pocket.

He missed Harry. He missed all of the boys, really, but he missed Harry the most. He missed his curly hair, his green eyes, his smile, his laugh . . . he even missed those cruel words Harry said about him, the ones he wasn't meant to hear. He held on to them like a life-line. He cherished them, and he didn't know why. He should the them- he should hate Harry.

Why does he not?

Thunder rumbled in the distance and it began to pour. Niall just lay there, though. He didn't have any where to go, after all. Everyone would hate him by now, for throwing their secrets right back in their face. It was cruel of him to do that, he thinks, but he never planned to actually give everyone their letters. He swore writing everything down would help.

It didn't.

He got up eventually to move under a nearby tree, it's branches- thick with leaves- acting as an umbrella. It felt nice to be protected from the rain, even though it wouldn't hurt him. He could watch it pour down in buckets while he stayed dry- as dry as a person who sat in the rain for five minutes could be.

He thought back to Harry. He wondered how he'd reacted. Did he cry? Did he laugh? Did he care at all?

He imagined Harry sitting on his bed, reading his letter with a confused look on his face. He images Harry breaking down in tears when he realized Niall was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

He imagined Harry laughing at the letter, rolling his eyes and crumpling the paper into a ball, throwing it into the garbage. He imagined Harry just getting on his phone, opening Twitter, and tweeting something horrible about Niall.

Curious, Niall grabbed his phone, which was blowing up with mentions and text messages. Before he opened Twitter, he turned off his notifications.

Nome of the boys had said anything about Niall disappearing. He was surprised he hadn't been caught yet. He'd been gone for how long? Three days now? It was surprising, though. Usually he couldn't leave his own home for five minutes without being recognized.

Niall shoved his phone back in his pocket, sighing. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree, his face pointed up at the sky.

For the first time, he felt completely and utterly uncared for.

*

Harry was sat on Louis' bed, Zayn's letter in his hand. Liam and Zayn sat between Harry and Louis, making sure the two boys kept their distance.

Zayn. You're my best friends, and I don't want to leave you, but I don't have a choice anymore. If I don't leave, I'll fuck everything up, and that's the last thing I want to do right now.

You helped me when I told you Harry hated me, and I'm grateful for that. I'll miss you so much, Zayn.

Should I explain what's going on? Well, I've got to if I think it'll help me. Basically, I'm telling everyone secrets they told me, just to get it out. If you get this letter, it didn't work. I'm going to die.

Harry bit back tears, sniffling. Zayn lay a hand on his shoulder, rubbing Harry's arm in comfort.

I suppose you know what secret I kept for you, everyone I wrote to does, but I explained why I'm pretty much throwing it back in your face. Sorry.

You cheated on Perrie. I'm not sure why or anything, you never told me and I didn't want to ask. You were so panicked and you asked me what you should do. I told you to tell her, to be honest, but you never did.

You're still together.

Harry frowned. Zayn? Cheating? On Perrie? Zayn loved Perrie so much . . . what would make him want to cheat on her.

Harry turned to Zayn, confused, and Zayn shook his head. "Don't know what I was thinking."

Harry turned back to the letter. There weren't very many words left.

We haven't talked much since then. It only happened two weeks ago. I miss you, Zayn, and if you're reading this, I'm sorry we drifted away. Tell the boys I love them . . . don't worry about Harry. He knows I love him now.

That was it. Harry handed the letter back to Zayn. "Why would you-"

"I don't know, Harry." Zayn said, burying his face in his hands. "I wish I could answer you."

"What?" Liam asked, looking between the two boys. Harry gave Zayn a look and the black-haired boy sighed.

"I cheated on Perrie." He muttered, giving Liam the letter. "I went to Niall for help."

"Help?" Liam raised an eyebrow. Zayn didn't answer, so Liam looked down at the letter to read it. "Oh."

Louis didn't read the letter. "Wh-what do we do? H-how do we find him?"

"So you want to find him now?!" Harry shouted at Louis, standing up stiffly. Zayn grabbed his arms, and Harry clenched his fists.

"Harry, please. I love Niall, and I never meant to hurt him. I-I was a jealous prick and you can't imagine how disgusted I was with myself-"

"I'm sure I can." Harry growled. "It's probably equal to the amount of disgust I feel towards you now."

Louis looked away, buying the corner of his bottom lip. Liam stood up, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Harry," Liam said, looking straight into his emerald eyes. "you don't understand. Sure, what Louis did was wrong, but he wasn't in his right mind! The Louis that hurt Niall isn't the Louis that's sitting here right now. This Louis wants you to be happy no matter what. The other Louis wanted you to be happy with him."

Harry shrugged Liam's hand off his shoulder, as well as Zayn's hands off his wrists. He shot a death glare in Louis' direction.

"Whatever." Harry said. "I don't need your help. I'll find Niall myself."

Harry stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Liam sighed and sat back down, wrapping an arm around Louis' shoulder. "He'll understand eventually."

"You keep saying that," Louis said, wiping tears from his eyes. "but even I don't understand. He hates me now, and . . . it's not gonna change."

Louis stood up, exiting the room before Liam or Zayn could say anything. They heard the front door shut and it was clear to both of them that Harry and Louis wouldn't be the same again.

"What should we do?" Zayn broke the awkward silence, turning to Liam. Liam shook his head.

"I don't think there's anything we can do." Liam sighed. "Not until we find Niall."