So Daryl and I are on a run, he hasn't said much to me for a few days, and I'm clueless why. But I'm not sure if I should be worried. About 3 miles, according to a sign we had recently passed, there was a small market just up ahead.
"So" I said
No reply, I just left it. But I just need to stop over thinking what has happened between me and Daryl, it was slowly killing me inside plus the fact that I haven't been able to sleep or do anything right, I feel like a failure and the frustration is so strong just dropping my weapon could send me over board leaving me in a puddle of my own tears.
We finally reach the market, Daryl knocks on the window, and we wait. A good awkward three minutes actually made me shake, I wasn't sure if I was scared or excited. But just that silence almost broke me and I need to find the bathroom. No questions I needed in that building.
"I'm going to the bathroom"
A small need is what I received, just made me feel worse and my eyes were blurring up, I was about to break. I just walked in, checked the stalls and locked the door of the bathroom. I place my hands on the edge's of the sink, staring my reflection down, looking everything that showed how weak I was, the dirt on my face, was when I had someone else save me from walkers, my ripped up clothes from running and catching my self in a few Barb wired fencing and of course, the scars. Just looking at them made me feel like I was two inches tall, because I know that it would over power me, and break my little shell.
I couldn't take it anymore, I needed the relief, so I took the handle of my gun and slowly and quietly smashed the bottom right corner of the mirror off. I picked up the broken piece and sat on one of the toilets, one deep breath and I let the mirror glide against my skin, one after another. Soon enough I had fifteen or sixteen lines dripping blood, I could hear Daryl approaching the door, and I bolt the rinse the remaining blood off.
****
We are on our way back and it was just silence. I could feel Daryl's eyes on my, but I was kinda uncomfortable, what if he saw what I was doing in the bathroom. I'm fucked.....
"So what were you doing in the bathroom, you were in there for awhile?"
"Nothing, just girl business"
"Your bleeding, but not in the place I can see sweetheart" Daryl's voice cracks saying those last words. I look down to see blood trickling off my finger tips. I feel my legs go numb and my stomach felt like it dropped right to my intestine's. I turn to see his face in absolute sadness, his eyes looked glassy. I hated that look. I knew it hurt him.
"Why? I just want to know why"
"Daryl you wouldn't understand."
"Of course I wouldn't understand, your scared, that I get, but I can't let you go down this road again, scars or not, your fighting and that says it all, you may not be strong in some things but, you are, and seeing you like this, breaks me. I love you to much"
Now both of us were on the edge of tears. I took one deep breath and our bodies crashed into each others, I cried as if I was a waterfall, I wasn't letting him go and he was letting me free either, the love was to strong. He took a step back, lifted my swollen arm, and kissed every scar and cut.
This may sound weird but some people don't actually look at the picture, but I'm sure some of you need that some point in your life, whether it was awhile ago or in the future, but seriously, don't give up
