Wished

Chapter 26 - Heartache

Heartbreak is an interesting thing. It doesn't have to be because the person that you loved cheated on you. It doesn't have to be because the person that you loved broke up with you. It doesn't have to be because of anything like that. You heart can be broken for multiple different reasons like if your best friend leaves you at the drop of a hat or if your brother disowns you.

In my case, someone I trusted, someone that I cared about, used me. Well, I thought I cared about him.

I had been pining for Jordan Taylors to even notice me for three years. Three years of unreciprocated feelings. Not just unreciprocated but he didn't even notice me. He didn't even know that I existed even though I was in three of his classes. I wasn't even near his social circle even though Shauna dropped into it frequently. As much as I hoped that he would notice me, I never really thought that he did.

As I lay on my bed, crying my eyes out for the second times in three days, I wasn't upset that Jordan didn't like me.

Jordan not liking me was a fact that I had come to terms with over the years. I was at peace with that despite the false hope he had given me. No, I was upset over feeling used.

Being used by someone is the most disgusting feeling you can imagine. Used, filthy and worthless. I was just some pawn being used to mess with Luke and then use like a tissue.

Do you know how stupid you feel when something you denied for so long is true?

Luke had said it. He told me. I held Jordan up on a pedestal and Luke told me. I didn't know Jordan Taylors. I had created this perfect persona of him in my head and he lived up to everything. He looked perfect and he talked perfect and he acted perfect. He was everything that I wanted him to be. He was the perfect guy, he was my perfect guy.

But Luke was right. I didn't know him. And now I was lying here feeling like a dumb, blind, lovestruck little girl who couldn't see past her own infatuation. I was. I was an idiot. I didn't think to find out who he actually was. I just let myself believe that this perfect Jordan I had built up in my mind was the real person.

Little white lies I can handle. You want to fake a period to get out of phys ed.? No problem, that's perfectly acceptable. You want to tell your friend that you're sick to get out of a party or something? That's okay unless you're bailing on them all the time. Then that's just mean.

But pretending to like me just to win some stupid, disgusting, horrible bet and annoy Luke? That's disgusting. That's vile and horrible and filthy. Basically everything that Jordan is.

It was like getting a present on your birthday. You're all excited when you see someone handing you this perfectly wrapped present. A perfectly square box with pretty wrapping paper neatly covering it. There's a bow perfectly tied in the very centre and you're just so delighted that you're going to get this really gorgeous, probably expensive present.

And then you open it up and it is a pile of cow manure.

That was Jordan Taylors in a nutshell.

I was just a bet. He never cared. Why would anyone care? I mean all I was good for was sleeping with and annoying Luke. Is that all that people saw when they looked at me? A desperate, easy girl with friends in the right places to annoy? Was I really that desperate? I mean, I know that I had a bit of an infatuation with Jordan but I'd never sleep with him. I was old fashioned that way. I was strict about waiting for marriage. I wasn't going to break my standards just because Jordan looked gorgeous. Though his looks were marred now.

* * * * *

I stopped crying an hour or so later. I had calmed myself down enough that I was able to talk properly. So I took out my phone and called Shauna. I knew she was probably enjoying time with Dylan but I needed her right now and she'd be there for me. I knew she would. I was surprised that she wasn't going out with Dylan yet. They were crazy about each other and they were spending so much time with each other too.