What I Once Had

Chapter Four

I sat at the kitchen counter taking deep breaths not knowing what to do. My breath was shallow, still not expecting what had just happened.

I took another sip of water. I kept wiping my eyes, my head hurting. Why me, Why me. I stood up. Mary came rushing over to me and said "Honey, where are you going," she said.

The truth, what I really wanted to say was that I was going back to bed. But instead, I said, "To CCK hospital to check with the nurse that called me," I said as Beckett came through the door. He looked confused so I said "Can you take me to the hospital,"

"Ellie," he said but I had already gone outside.

I sat in the shotgun seat, waiting until Beckett got in the car. The air around me felt thin. The door opened and then closed. I looked over at Beckett. I had changed my mind. I did not want to go to school. I wanted to go to the hospital. "Please take me to CCK Hospital," I said looking in his eyes and begging.

He let out a sigh, "I will take you, only if you really want," He said, grabbing my hand.

"I really want this," I said, my eyes watering even more.

He started the car and I rolled down the window. I watched all the houses pass. I looked in the windows of the houses. One kid was on the couch playing a game with his parents. I do not know what I will miss the most. The hugs or the laughing. I will miss all of it.

When we went to the intersection, I saw the nail shop my mom and I would always go to. When we turned I saw the hardware store where my dad and I would buy all the tools we needed for projects.

We finally got out of town and we were on this long road that went right next to cornfields. They looked so calm and peaceful, it felt good to look at. The next field we passed had cows in it. All animals are cute and deserve to be on this earth.

Once we started seeing the signs for the hospital I got anxious. We parked on the fifth floor of the parking garage. I ran down the stairs skipping two at a time. I could hear Beckett behind me. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I ran into the rotating doors.

I ran up to the counter and of course, there was nobody there. Beckett and just ran in, out of breath.

"How do you, runthat, fast," he said out of breath.

I ignored him and clicked my fingers on the counter. Finally, someone came up to the counter. She had blonde hair and glasses. She looked like she was having a good day.

"Um excuse me," I said to the nurse. I looked at her name tag and it said, Susan. "Susan, do you know of any ambulance coming here within 30 minutes," I said, my eyes watering. Beckett put his hand on my shoulder.

"I am sorry honey, I only know of one. But the people in the ambulances died on their way here," she said.

I was not going to lose hope yet, "Do you by any chance know what their names were," I held my breath. Please do not say, Sally and Roger.

"I believe their names were, Sally and Roger," I broke out in a cry again. I turned around back to Beckett.

"No no no," I knew my face was red. I knew my face was wet. I knew that this was the beginning of the end.

I turned back around, back to face Susan. She looked upset now.

I had to ask her a question, "Where can I find their bodies," I said looking into her eyes.

"I am sorry dear, but that is not aloud," She said like she really was.

"But I am their daughter," I said pointing at myself. There was no point anymore in trying to hold back my tears. My whole face looked like a waterfall.

"Oh I am so sorry dear," she said. "I can make an appointment for the funeral," she said trying to help but did nothing at all.

I took a deep breath and said "No, that will not be needed," I turned to walk away. Beckett grabbed my hand. I could feel the sadness throughout the entire room. My feet hurt and my hands felt weak. This was not me. When we got back to the car, nobody said a word. It was silent as a mouse. The car was the only thing to be heard for miles.

I am pretty sure that Beckett did not know what to say, so he just kept quiet.

We passed all the fields and shops on the way home. My eyes are still watering. My arms felt shaky. My feet kept going up and down.

I kept the tears to a minimum, already knowing how annoying I was being. I breathed in following the wind through the air.

I looked at Beckett up and down. He looked like something I could not explain. It was sadness mixed with fear and anger and a lot of others. I looked down because I had nothing else to do. Where would I be without my parents? What would I do without them? Is this the world I have to live in now? This is not my life. No-no-no.

I started to shake my head. This is not going to be my life.

When we got back to the house at the front door. I walked to the couch and sat down. I am pretty sure everyone was looking at me to see what I would do next.

"Soo," I said, trying to break the silence. "What should we do," I said, fidgeting with my fingers.

"Do you need to talk," Beckett said sitting next to me.

"Why would we need to do that," I said like everything was okay.

"Well today has been a lot," Beckett said sitting next to me.

"No no I am fine," I said putting my hands on his shoulders.

"Really, are you fine," He said, hugging me.

"This is not necessary," I said, pulling away smiling.

"I am going to refuse to believe that," He said, grabbing my hand.

I had to stop bringing attention to myself. I had to lay low and stay out of the way.