deja vu

01

four years ago
harry styles

do you all have that one person that you can tell absolutely everything to? the one person who you know you can go to without worrying what they'll think about you, or what they'll say about you. that one person who feels like they've known you forever because of how comfortable you are with them?

because, i do.

well, i did. before i fucked it up.

at least she says i did. honestly i think it was both of our faults, if not hers more. it's not like i knew what i said would make her upset. i didn't say it with the intention of making her scream very loudly in my face. i guess i just wasn't really thinking when it happened. i wasn't expecting her to get as upset as she did, honestly i thought she would've found it funny.

personally i didn't think what i said was that bad, but i guess i can see why she could be upset. what i don't understand is why she hasn't forgiven me. i've said i'm sorry, i've tried calling her, i've tried texting her, hell— i've even tried writing her a letter... but she's just too stubborn.

she's always been very stubborn.

i remember the first day of sixth grade i had gotten to school late, and i took the only seat open. i kept looking around for her but she wasn't there, and then five minutes later all of a sudden i feel a tap on my shoulder. turning around i saw an angry rosalind with her hands on her hips and her sixth grade braces hidden under her frown.

she told me she had been in the bathroom and i took her seat, but i kept telling her 'you snooze, you lose'. she didn't give up though, and probably after ten minutes of us arguing about it she eventually flipped the chair over and then quietly sat down in it while i was on the floor with a busted knee.

we both ended up getting detention.

she's always been a little.... violent. not in a bad way, but she knows when enough is enough and she's not afraid to get physical. i will say, i was not expecting her to slap me the other day. i also was not expecting it to actually hurt. it stung for probably a good 15 minutes after the initial slap, but of course i would never tell her that.

ever.

but, i guess i won't have to since she hasn't spoken to me in three days. i know she's going to have to eventually considering we're both going to the same high school. she can't avoid me for four years, especially since we both don't really have any other friends except for each other. i wish she would hurry up and just forget about it, it's kinda annoying at this point.

but i will make this very clear: i do not miss her.

if she wants to be stubborn and petty about this, then i'll let her. and if she wants to continue to ignore me and pretend like she doesn't know me, then i'll let her.

it's not like i like her or something.

i'm not gonna let a fifteen year old girl dictate my life decisions. i'm my own man, and i don't need her. i can find someone else just as quick as she left, and i won't even care.

i've done everything i've needed to do, i've apologized, i've called, i've recognized what i did wrong, and i've moved on. now it's her turn to move on from this.