the fall | abel tesfaye

chapter fifteen - explanations

Tears stream down my cheeks as I rush through the campus grounds, sending pairs of eyes in my direction from every little corner.

"Arabella, are you okay?" a familiar voice calls from the distance. I don't bother looking up to check who it is. My heart is completely shattered and I feel as though I might be sick. 

"Ara!" The voice calls again.

I look up to meet chocolate brown eyes and a worried expression on the blonde boy's face. Ben.

"No," I whisper, my voice uneasy. "No, I'm not."

He runs over to me and wraps his strong arms around my tiny frame. "Tell me what happened," he says against my hair. 

I shake my head and whimper into his ocean blue cashmere jumper. "Please? Was it that damn boy again?" He growls this time and it sends a shiver down my spine.

"Don't worry about it. I was just stupid," I tell him, breaking from his embrace.

"You're not stupid," Ben tells me. "Do you want to grab some coffee? You can tell me what happened."

I shrug my shoulders and sniffle. "I guess so. I just... I don't understand how people can be so cruel," I say, my eyes threatening to burst with tears at any moment.

He nods his head and rubs my shoulder gently. "I know, it's okay. Come with me."

Ben leads me to a different cafe on campus that I haven't been to before. After ordering me a mocha and himself a latte, he urges me to tell him what's going on. Reluctantly, I explain the situation with Abel (leaving out minor details), watching Ben's frown turn into a scowl by the end of it. 

"That asshole," he spits. "I can't believe he'd do such a thing!"

I nod my head and take a sip of my drink. The heat soothes my mind as I try to forget the demanding woman I had met just moments before, exposing the real Abel.

"And to think that girl would just burst in like that. Ara, how have you gotten into this much trouble in just a few days?" Ben almost laughs, leading me to laugh with him. 

"Who knows," I sigh. "I just seem to be a magnet for trouble at this campus."

Ben shrugs. "To think that your friend Monique is still seeing that guy though. If you want, I'd be happy to talk to the vice-chancellor with you and report that guy?"

I shake my head. "There's no point. No one would believe me anyway, not even my best friend." I sniffle again and try to shake the thought of Hayden's hands around me just last night. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

Ben leans over to grab my hand and squeezes it. "Don't worry, you've got me. I'll be here for you," he assures me. I smile at him appreciatively.  He is such a good person. Why can't everyone be like him...

"By the way, I spoke to my boss at the record place. He said he'd be happy to interview you next Monday if you're free?"

My heart leaps and I beam at him. "Really? Thank you so much! Tell him I'll be there."

He winks at me before handing his empty cup to the waiter. I'm so lost in my excitement that I don't even notice a hand curl around my wrist and pull me from my chair.

"We need to talk."

My stomach drops.

"Now."

I refuse to look into his eyes as I snatch my wrist from his grip. I cannot bear to look at this man. How dare he touch me, ever again.

"Leave me alone," I spit. "I told you I want nothing to do with you."

Ben appears beside me and stands to block Abel from my view. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouts at Abel. Once again, dozens of people look up from their coffees to see what the commotion is in front of them.

"Can we not do this here please," I say quietly, reaching out behind Ben so that I can take a look at Abel for the first time since I left him alone in his dorm. His eyes were red and watery. Had he been crying?

"I just need to talk to Arabella. I don't think that's any of your business, Blondie."

Ben hisses beside me and slams his fist into his open palm, readying himself to hit Abel. Before things can escalate any further, I grab Abel by the arm and steer him out of the cafe, mouthing an "I'm sorry" to Ben behind me.

As soon as we were out of earshot of the cafe, I let go of Abel and begin to walk off in the direction of the woods behind campus. Abel follows me silently, only occasionally sighing and no doubt running his fingers through his hair.

"Ara- "

"Save it," I hiss.

"Would you please just stop? You won't even look at me!"

I halt in my tracks and turn to glare at the man before me.

"How dare you!" I say. "After what you just did! What you just said. I don't want anything to do with you, Abel! Trusting you was a mistake, kissing you was a mistake!"

Tears begin to well in his eyes again, but this time I don't feel sorry for him.

"You think you can just come back and find me with some half-assed apology and it undoes everything you just did? You fucked her in the bed you put me to sleep in! What is wrong with you?!"

"A lot!" He screams back, startling me. "A lot, okay! And I'm sorry! I made a fucking mistake! I was drunk, off my fucking head and I had no idea what I was doing."

"Oh, so you had no idea what you were doing when you were actually being nice to me for the first time?" I spat back. "Was that all just a mistake to you too?"

"Of course not!"

"It doesn't change anything, Abel! Don't you see? You're fucking broken, and I can't fix you."

He says nothing. Tears stream down my cheeks and I stand there, pleading him with my eyes to leave me alone.

"You know what," he says quietly. "You're right." He looks up into my eyes and my cheeks flush. His stare is so intense and broken, I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"I'm broken, Arabella. I don't expect you to fix me, nor do I expect you to forgive me. Just please, don't throw everything we have away."

"We have nothing," I whisper between sobs.

"We do," he replies, walking closer to me. I take a reluctant step back just as my foot catches on the rock behind me, sending me tumbling to the ground. 

I begin to cry harder now. The boy I was beginning to trust just has shattered everything we were beginning to build, and I just don't know how to react. 

"Hey," he coos, bending down to me and placing my hands in his. "I'm so sorry baby."

"You're not," I whimper. "How could you. How could you Abel! I trusted you..." I trail off in a mess of sobs as he wipes the tears from my eyes with his thumb.

"I promise you, it meant nothing. Nothing. I will make it up to you, I swear."

I shake my head. I'm so sick of falling for his games. Taking one last look into his deep brown eyes, I stand on my feet and shake his hands from mine.

"It's too late Abel," I say. "I'm done."