I Heard A Rumor

Chapter 10- Words Fail

No. No. No.

This isn't real. It can't be real.

I freeze, staring at the TV in shock while Jake Tapper and Dana Bash keep talking. Their words eventually change into mumblings in the background. I don't realize what's happening until I smell smoke coming from the kitchen. I rush over to the kitchen only rto find the mac and cheese burnt. I don't know exactly why, but seeing the ruined mac and cheese snaps something inside of me.

I slide onto the kitchen floor sobbing my eyes out. Just when I had a glimpse of a future that I could look forward to, it gets destroyed. And somehow, I've managed to drag Jon down with me. I hear my phone ring but I ignore it, knowing I don't have the strength in me to answer right now.

Once I somewhat gain a sense of mind, I look towards the clock.

7:47.

The Senate was supposed to adjourn around 6 today, so I know that Jon is avoiding me.

Should I just save him the trouble? Just disappear from his life so that he never has to worry or care about me again?

I find myself in his room, sitting on his bed for what'll probably be the last time holding onto a photo frame with a picture of us at Niagara Falls. Jon's carrying me on his back while I'm smiling and leaning my head on his shoulder. I long for that time again, when it was just us and only us. I don't know what's happening around me, I'm trying to hide and pretend that the whole situation is just a terrible nightmare.

I know that can't happen when I hear the front door open.

In and out. In and out.

I force myself up from the bed and that's when Jon enters.

I'm not prepared to see his face. Hurt. Anger. Betrayal. It's all there and what tortures me is that I know that I am the root cause of all of it.

"Jon-"

He shakes his head and presses his hands against hips, "Just don't say anything. That's what you've done this entire time, right? Not say anything. Couldn't have trusted me even a little bit."

"I was just trying to do my job. Even from the start, I never wanted to hurt you. That was never my intention."

"So what exactly was "your job", Autumn? To hook up with me and write an exposé on me and become the star reporter from it?"

"No, it wasn't. I didn't want to do this at all. It was all forced on me. My job, actually my entire career was at stake. My boss even hinted at attacking Amy if I didn't comply with his order. I just couldn't not do it."

Jon's sitting down on the bed now, his face pressed in his hands, still looking angry and as if he's processing everything.

"Jon, this might not help at all, but I did everything in my power to make sure I wouldn't hurt you. I knew that from the beginning, before I had feelings for you- hell, before I even had met you, I would do everything in my power to not hurt you. I know it's not much, but I didn't tell the Post anything about you."

Jon raises his voice, "But you were so concerned about doing your job, right? You couldn't have told me what was going on but you were able to not even do what your precious boss asked."

I can't control myself hearing that, "Don't even fucking say that! You have no damn clue what I've gone through in that office. If you want to yell at me, please do it because I deserve it, but don't pull that string."

"So, how did you do your job if you didn't publish every damn thing about me?"

I confess, "I was able to get senate tidbits and I broke the news about McConnell retiring. Amy helped me."

"I just really can't wrap my head around why you didn't bother to tell me. If the sanctity of your job was so important, why did everyone else but me know?"

I find myself at a loss of words, "I really.. I really don't know. Can't answer that question."

Jon scoffs, "You know, it's kind of the bare minimum that you didn't tell the Post anything about me? How long were you going to keep this for me and what made you quit your job?"

This is definitely not how I want to tell him, but the whole point of this is that I haven't been telling the truth.

"I quit because I realized that I lo-"

Jon cuts me off, "Please don't do that. I just can't hear it right now."

"Let me-"

"No! It's hard for that to have any meaning when whatever this was, was built off of a complete and utter lie! It's bullshit."

I feel my heart drop to the ground, "Whatever this was? What are you saying?"

Jon sighs, "I'm saying that I don't think I can trust you anymore. It's just too damn much for me. It hurts too much, knowing that I put my everything in us and I didn't get that back."

I cut to the chase, blinking back tears although I anticipated this very moment, "Are you breaking up with me?"

Jon nods, "Yeah, I guess I am. I guess I'll see you around."

That's how my worst nightmare became true.

~

Two days later, I find myself at Washington National Airport, ready to go home to Minnesota. The past few months have changed me, but I knew I needed to get away.

I sit alone in the airplane terminal, longing and thinking of the last time I was here, just a week ago with Jon. It was so peaceful, just doing a word search together while waiting to board our flight. I deeply long for that again. For Jon to be beside me. Or even talking to me.

I want to change what happened so badly. As I get on this plane, I know that I'm leaving a world and a person that I love behind me. It scares me to my core, but there's nothing left for me here. Life is always moving, you just have to move with it.

About five minutes before boarding, I feel my phone vibrating.

It's Michael. Groaning, out of boredom and wanting to yell at him and then block his number, never having to speak to him again, I pick up.

"This conversation won't be long, or much of a conversation. I knew you weren't going to give me any tidbits about Jon Ossoff because you have no nerve. Journalists are supposed to be fearless and you stand on the edge all of the time. That's why you didn't tell Jon about your little assignment, too. So I decided to turn it back on you since I didn't get the headline that I wanted. You are the headline. Now with no job, no career, and no boyfriend."

The line beeps and I feel more numb than ever before.

I stare out into the window that encompasses the wall of the airport and into the dark sky and planes taking off, just longing to go home and never come back.