Seeing Red

Why is this happening?

"How was Saorge?" Leo asked as we set the table.

I gave him an in depth account of everything I did and the places I saw, Charlotte joined us and set down all the food.

They filled me in about all the things that happened over the two days I was gone, Leo told us about how the new artist he'd opened his gallery to was attracting a lot of visitors and more things like that.

"I'm going to call Mia and ask her when she wants us to come pick her up, her winter break starts soon."

"I miss her so much!" I smiled.

Charlotte pulled out her phone and FaceTimed a name that made me say, hey Leo! I'll do the dishes don't worry.

I stood in front of the sink, soaking the plates and getting the sponge. Hoping to not hear his voice because I may be out of sight but I was still in earshot.

"Hi mama!" Mia's bubbly voice poured out through the speakers.

"Hello my baby, have you had your dinner yet?" Charlotte asked her.

"Yes! It was very good too!"

"Is that chocolate on your face- THE STATE OF THE HOUSE!"

Charlotte's words got me worried, I quickly washed the remaining of the plates and rushed to see what was happening.

"Do you want to come back to me for Christmas?" Charlotte asked Mia who looked like she was running through her house now.

The girl plopped on to her bed, without even blinking once said "No I'm good here!"

"But you cried about having to go back!" I complained.

"Oh hi Tara!" She waved at me. "Yes, I did but I like it here. I can eat endless amount of chocolate and no one stops me." She explained to us while eating another piece.

"Oh and also I get to buy extra scoops of gelato! It's like papa doesn't even notice!" She laughed.

"What is papa doing right now?"

"Sleeping on the couch like always, oh and before that he was crying." She just told us, looking rather make of it what you must.

"He doesn't have to work?" She asked.

"Oh no people come looking for him but he just lays on the couch and takes me out to buy gelato."

"Give the phone to him. Right now." Charlotte asserted.

"He's up now but..." she flipped the camera for us to see him sitting on his couch, sulkily, possibly wiping his tears away.

The house looked awful, it looked like their apartment had been trashed. Mia didn't seem bothered by the mess at all and navigated her way to the sofa where he was on.

Charlotte told her it was alright, she didn't need to talk to him and ended the call.

She looked at me, "We're going to Monaco. Right now."

"What-why? No-"

"My child is living in a trashed apartment for God knows how long and her father is clearly not in his senses."

"But I can't face-"

"For Mia! This is not about you or him. Don't even try to make it about him."

I've made this about him for way too long. I nodded and told her to see me outside in ten minutes, I ran home to quickly gather all things I think I'd need.

Within 20 minutes we were already on the highway, heading back to Monte Carlo.

Every sign indicating how much closer we were getting to Monaco made my heart beat faster, I tried to calm myself down but it didn't seem to work.

"Someone's inhaling a lot of air!" Charlotte teased me.

"I don't even know why I'm getting this nervous!" I sighed.

"Well, he's in a daze so hopefully our work there is brief."

"Can I wait by the car? Why don't you quickly go get her?"

"I need someone to help me drag her bags out of there while I try to get her."

We were now driving through the place, everything felt so strangely familiar. I was probably going to cry from how much I missed this place but couldn't stand it at the same time.

Screw that, I was crying. My eyes were burning and my cheeks were damp, I hid my face in my hands and sobbed some more.

This is what I was afraid of, I knew that coming back here would just unleash the worst version of myself. It would make me admit that something really was not okay.

"Hang in there." Charlotte comforted me. She parked the car and sat there a while to make sure I was doing alright before we headed upstairs to get Mia.

To our surprise, the apartment door was left ajar. This made our work here much easier. The TV was blaring some cartoon and no one seemed to care.

I entered the house behind Charlotte, the mess was worse than what we saw on the call. Literal wrappers scattered all over the floor, Mia's toys scattered everywhere and more litter.

"Mama!" Mia beamed jumping off the couch seeing us enter the place.

"We've got to be quiet! What's are all these weird stains on your faces baby?" Charlotte whispered trying to wipe the mess off Mia's face.

"Gelato from tonight's dinner I think." She answered all thoughtfully.

"Tara, I'm going to clean her up. Can you go to her room and pack some stuff?"

"Yeah, I'll do that." I waved at Mia quickly before heading to her room.

I pulled things out of the wardrobe haphazardly piling them into a bag, in a matter of minutes I had managed to cram things in.

The zipper wouldn't budge, I didn't know what to focus on anymore- trying to get out of the room without tripping or getting the bag to zip shut.

And just like that I bumped into someone. I didn't want to look at who it was because if it wasn't Charlotte I didn't know how to react.

"Tara?" His angelic voice called me.

I looked at him, the way he looked right now shocked me. He was a mess, his eyes looked like they hadn't rested in days, his bedhead pushed back with a bandana- the one I gave him.

He didn't move, he just looked at me, probably trying to figure out what was going on. As hard as it was, I ignored him and continued picking up the clothes that fell out after we bumped into each other.

"Tara, is that really you?" He asked again, he voice oddly pained.

"No, you're hallucinating. I'm not real, go back to sleep." I gathered the clothes ready to make a dash when I heard Mia and Charlotte laugh about something.

Charles turned to see where that was coming from, the mother-daughter duo was already at the door ready to leave.

"What are you doing here? I'm definitely not hallucinating." He looked back at me.

"You need to get your act together and till then I'm taking Mia with me. Figure it out!" Charlotte grabbed Mia and flung the door shut behind her.

"So, um congrats on becoming the world champion." I awkwardly smiled and threw in a thumbs up.

"Thanks." He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

Now that, was a lot of damage.

"Have you...been crying Tara?" He frowned.

I felt awkward, was he really studying me right now? In this awkward silence? What gave it away? Was it the puffy eyes or smudged makeup?

"When have I not been crying?" I laughed. "Ever since you showed up, turned my life upside down all I've been doing is crying!" I laughed even harder.

"Tara-"

"Don't fucking touch me!"