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"Are you sure you're fine with this?" Chen asks me, again. My heart stops my brain from thinking twice. Why wouldn't I be fine with this? After all, I love Chen so much.
Reassuring him with a small nod, I look into his eyes, which were gleaming like stars in the dimly lit hotel room. Even the slightest touch made my heart flutter and the distance between us, sending shivers down my spine.
I will be doing something that could never be reversed and something that will change my life. And this felt right only with Chen.
Standing up, he takes a step closer to me and unbuttons my shirt. Breathing heavily, I look at him remove his t-shirt and his hands move down to work on his belt.
Caressing my cheek, he pulls me closer and starts kissing me again. Deepening the kiss, he traces my jawline and slowly slides his hand down, playing with the hem of my bra.
Lost in the moment, I hastily unzip my skirt and push it away without breaking the kiss. Feeling his lips trace the crook of my neck, I unbutton his pants and rub circles on his hipbone, signaling him to remove them.
"I love you, Chen."
I say, slowly breaking the kiss.
My hand moves like it has a mind of its own, everything was going so fast. Even though, I am sitting half-naked in front of a man I truly love, a part of my brain stopped me. A part of me craved for something in return.
Feeling his fingers unhook my bra, I quickly stretch my hand to the drawer and hand the condom to him.
-
"I'm home..." I say in a low tone and remove my sandals before entering the living room. Lay and Suho glare at me angrily and point at the clock.
"It's four in the morning, Leah! Where were you? And why are your legs jiggling like lumps of jellies?" Suho asks.
Drained of all my energy I plop onto the couch and close my eyes. After what had happened at the hotel, I kept thinking about how everything seemed too fast and... unrealistic. Maybe I shouldn't have had my first sex like that.
But I love him.
Pouring myself a glass of beer, I sit on the floor next to Lay and bite my lower lip, nervously. Mustering the courage, I finally ask them, "what does sex mean to guys?"
Suho rubs the back of his neck and looks away and poor Lay chokes on beer, coughing loudly. With a straight face, I shake my head to show how serious I am about the question.
"Ok stop let me honest cos anyways the three of us have become really close. I first had 'it' with my old school friend. Back then, I didn't attach much of a meaning to it but only after a few years, I realized how much it meant, if not for her, at least for me," Suho replies.
Suho and I look at Lay, expecting him to answer quickly. Lay covers his chest with both his hands, protectively, and shakes his head continuously.
"I've never done it, leave me alone! The fear that I might end up impregnating her, kills me every time I touch a girl. I have zero self-control."
Facepalming, I chug a glass of beer and breathe out heavily, telling myself that I must accept whatever has happened. Nothing can be changed now.
Sitting up, excitedly, I lean closer and stare at both of them with a wide grin.
"Ok, now what is she up to? And why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Suho says.
"Nothing. I was just wondering... about what you guys think about Mr. Kim Chen."
"Kim Chen, as in the transfer employee in the marketing department? Well, I don't know much about him. Oh! but I know that he always gets homemade food for lunch and I bet they taste amazing!" Suho answers, licking his lips.
Chuckling, Lay says, "I worked with him for a week or so and I think he's a little indifferent and cold. He even ignored my 'annyonghaseyo' once!"
-
Hearing the bell ring for the fifth time, I finally decide to get my ass off the couch and strenuously walk to the door. Before opening the door, I take a look at my living room and sigh at how messed it looked after the late-night party with Suho and Lay. At least Lay should have cleaned it before leaving!
"Who is this?" I groggily ask, my eyes half-closed.
"WHO IS THIS!? YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK ME THAT QUESTION!"
Yawning, I rub my eyes open and take a close look at the unwelcomed guest. Scratching my head, I yawn once again and rest my head against the door. Looking at me doze off, he pushes the door open and forcefully enters my house.
