Drown For Me//Colson Baker

six!

I'm pitiful, gross, and unfaithful.

I've been cheated on but never have I been the cheater. No one told me how bad guilt would eat me alive. The immeasurable anxiety that I feel spike inside of me every time he goes near my phone, or when Colson is brought up in conversation.

Laying in bed next to Pete is exhausting. The only thought I have is how bad I wish to be in another's bed. All of this guilt, and no way out.

After weeks of not seeing him, I can't help but miss him. It's honestly disgusting

Pete rolled over, throwing his arm over me and snuggling into my side. His head was pushed into the crook of my neck, and he laid a single kiss on me. Usually, this sweet gesture would make me smile and grow warm. But this time... nothing.

I gotta get out of this house.

Slowly I lift his arm off of me and get out of bed. I freeze when I hear him mumble something. I look at him and see him lying there. I wait for him to say something else but instead, a small snore is heard. I let out a deep and slow breath, and tiptoe into the walk-in closet that we shared. I close the door before turning the lights on.

Standing there in nothing but a shirt, that didn't belong to anyone in this house, and panties. I quickly and quietly grab some sweats from my dresser. I then grab socks before slipping on my shoes.

I don't know how long I'd be gone and I have no idea where I was going. All that I did know was that I needed to leave to let my anxiety ease up on me, and before I knew it I was out the door with my phone in my pocket and my keys in my hand.

I drove for what seemed like hours in silence with my thoughts the only thing keeping me company. Though, they weren't very good company to have. It was around three A.M. which meant that most were sleeping leaving the streets empty except some people coming home from parties or nightclubs.

As I was stopped at a stop light, my phone rang. I signed and looked at who was calling me, Pete. I decided to ignore it, he called two more times and I ignored those too. I knew I was going to be bombarded with questions when I got home, and it would probably resolve in a huge argument, but I didn't care. I just kept driving.

I drove around until the sun starting coming up, but I still didn't want to go home. My phone rang making my eyes roll. I really didn't want to talk to Pete, I knew I was being out of line but I didn't care. I peak at the caller ID to see that I was wrong. It wasn't Pete, it was Colson.

My heart started to beat faster and I grabbed my phone, but before I could answer it, it ended. I signed and threw my phone in the passenger seat.

But seconds later it rang again and I quickly grab it and answer the call.

"Hello," I say biting my lip anxiously.

"Hey," he replied. I park the car at a gas station as to not get pulled over.

"So, how are you?" I asked, feeling the conversation become somewhat awkward. I heard him sigh giving me half my answer.

"I uh.. I'm not gonna lie Val, I miss you."

I didn't say anything, even though it really made me happy to hear him say that I knew i had already ruined my relationship. The worst part of the situation was that I knew that if Colson wanted me, he already had me.

"Come over."

It was a fifteen minute drive from the gas station where I had been parked. I hoped that he didn't want to talk, I just wanted to get my mind off of everything. Even though it would cause even more guilty thoughts and feelings, I just didn't care.