Looking for myself

9.Rage

Stiles pov

Did you ever had the feeling when you start shaking uncontrollably, your mouth goes dry, you suddenly feel like all if your body is burning, your hearing gets muffled, you see black and white spots and your heart starts beating so fast as if it's trying to come out of your chest?

I am feeling that now. People call this feeling rage.  Usually people start yelling and ranting but rage made me speechless.  My jaw locked at one place and I couldn't say anything.

This was a completely new feeling to me. Yes I have been angry at times but this is completely different feeling.

I just wanted to scream. But I thought better of it and left. Probably forever though it is practically impossible.

I just wanted to give dad a surprise but what I found was the biggest surprise of  my life.

I couldn't belive that a few sentences could make so much difference in your life.

That some small sentences that you were not meant to hear could make you feel so worthless and insignificant.

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Flashback

Finally!!!! I thought as the plane landed. I have never been far from home for this long. I wonder how dad will react when he sees me. And how will he react when he sees my bike. Yes I brought my bike here. I mean who doesn't like a bit of show off ?

I collected my bag and bike and went to my home.

After reaching home I parked my bike and unlocked the door with my key.

As I entered I could hear voice of dad and Melissa talking.

(M=Melissa, D= Dad)

M: you need to tell him Noah

D: what? No. I am not going to tell him anytime soon.

M: he deserves to know Noah.

D: I know it's just I promised Claudia I will take good care of stiles. I know he isn't my real son but Claudia made me promise her that I will take care of stiles.

M: look Noah I know he lied to you but we can't marry without him being present there. He is your son.

D: he is my adopted son. He was Claudia's sisters son. Claudia adopted him after her sister's death. His father had left him. She loved him so much and I didn't had any problem with keeping him as my own son. But when Claudia refused to have our own children because of him that was the last string.
We started having many fights because of him. She said what if we don't pay equal attention to stiles after our own child comes to this world. She always preferred him. Heck he was the last person to be with her. He stole my right to be with her.

I hated him for some time thinking that he was the reason Claudia was dead. That he ruined my last few memories with her.I used to yell at him after getting drunk.
But I soon figured out that it wasn't his fault that Claudia was dead.

He was the last family I had. I thought that I could live with him. His eyes always reminded me of Claudia. She and her sister almost looked like twins so he got Claudia's eyes.

Claudia and I decided that we will tell him that he is adopted when he will be old enough to understand. And I know I will sound selfish but I don't want him to know that he is adopted. I am scared that he will leave me.

M: Then why did you send  him away to boarding school?

D: because he was keeping things from me. We are supposed to share everything with each other. I just wanted to keep him safe.

M: and why are you okay with him not being in our wedding? Hmm?

D: because that's his choice. I know he is angry with me and it will take time for him to forgive me.

Besides I now have you and Scott. What else could I want. I don't need anyone else. I have always seen Scott as my son. He is the son I should have had!

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After hearing what he said I felt this fire burning inside me. The man I loved with all of my heart thought so low of me?

He thought I was the reason my mom died.

That he loved me only because I was his last remaining family.

That he is going to replace me like I am some thing that is getting old and can be thrown away like trash.
Does he really think I am worth as much as trash?

And the most shocking thing was that he accused me for lying to him but he is the one lying to me my whole life. Hypocrite!!

His simple sentences snatched away my identity from me. Threw me in a place where I am uncertain about my worth.

Thousands of questions were clouding my mind

Who is my mother?
When did she die?
Who is my father?
Why did he leave me and my biological mother?
Etcetera Etcetera....

At that time I couldn't think rationally so I just left. I didn't say hi or left any proof of me ever being there.

I JUST LEFT.
just like every person in my life leaves me.

I got on my bike and headed for somewhere I could go and clear my head.
I had holidays for a week and half.
I headed for the place me and my mom used to go every summer.

Malibu.

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Hey lovelies!!

So this is getting sad.
Stiles is treated like trash
And the Noah in my story is really a piece of klunk! That selfish bastard hurt my stiles.😠
How did he dare to do that?

The answer is because it fits the story😜

So I am sorry sheriff stilinski fans but he has to be bad.

                             ❤❤❤