Leaving Me

1.

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~We are all born for love. It is the principal of existence and it's only end~
~Benjamin Disraeli~
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"Is it wrong to miss him this much?"

"Not at all, Emmy. Granted it's been a little over a year, but no, it's not wrong."

A year ago I lost Elliot. He didn't have some accident and he didn't die because of an illness or old age. He volunteered himself to the Guard, to death, for me. Sometimes I wonder if I had really tried, if I could've stopped him. And that maybe, just maybe, he would be here next to me today.

He told no one why he had volunteered, not even me. The only hint he gave was that it would benefit me in the future. Somedays the thought 'what if he left because he didn't love me. To make me move on' wanders through my mind, leading me to wonder if he loved me or if he hated me.

No one was allowed to witness his death. Not even his own parents. The only people there were the Lions and a few Guard members. The funeral was held a few days later, a few of us were allowed to attend. That day the rain came. The day he died the rain came. I've always loved rain. It's simple but also complex. Some days it's light, a small drizzle, while other days, it's cascading sheets pounding the ground.

The day of the funeral it was a little bit more than a small drizzle. The day Elliot died it was a little bit less than cascading sheets.

Today it's raining. It's raining not too light, and not to hard, it's right in between. It's the same as it was those two days a year ago. It's Elliot's rain.

I stare at the droplets as they roll down the seamless glass wall. I watch them fall and merge with other droplets. I pull the blanket tighter around me. When we were little, Elliot and I would always watch the rain. He would try to explain to me where the rain comes from.

"It's not tears," he said. "The rain is made in the clouds. Right now they are very small vapor droplets and when they condense they become heavy and fall down to us."

I remember him smiling proudly afterword. He had learnt that the day before in school.

Once he told me that, I never forgot it.

"Are you thinking about him, Em?"

"Yeah, I am."

Alec sits down beside me, draping a larger blanket around our shoulders. I rest my head on my brother's shoulder tugging the blanket tighter again. Alec was Elliot's best friend. They were inseparable from the moment they met. All three of us were inseparable. Alec and Elliot, are for Alec, were for Elliot, a year older than me. They both were also quite a bit taller. Every time we would walk home from school I would have to really look up to see them both.

The two looked so much alike you could swear they were brothers. Both of them, have for Alec, had for Elliot, brown hair that would always fall into their eyes, their soft green eyes. Both of them were tall and fit. Their only difference was their personalities.

Elliot was funny, incredibly funny, he would always find a way to make sure that I had a smile on my face. He also was a genius. He was able to commit anything to memory, write the most beautiful poems, and score the highest marks. He was very sweet, made sure no one was left out. He would always help others before himself. It didn't matter what he was helping with, okay maybe draw the line at helping with a dead body, but otherwise he'd be there if you needed him. Elliot could also sing. I would always make him sing for me. His voice was amazing. If he were to start singing my heart would stop, as would the world around him, to listen.