Leaving Me

4.

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~It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all~
~Samuel Butler~
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I had watched his figure until it disappeared down the road. When he was out of sight, I laid down on the sidewalk.

It didn't matter that it was raining.

It didn't matter that I was freezing.

Nothing matters without him here.

How could he walk away so easily?

I let the rain drops encase me, surround me and attempt to distract me. The pain in my chest becomes to much bear. I close my eyes and settle into the puddle-covered sidewalk.

I don't know how long I laid there. When I felt my eyes flutter open, the world had gone dim. I could no longer hear the rain, although I could see it as it fell around me. I watched as a figure sped toward me. Their hair soaked, falling awkwardly over their eyes.

As they get closer, they resemble Elliot.

He came back.

He came back.

I lift my head, my drenched hair weighing me down.

"Elliot." I croak.

I reach my hand out, grasping his. He kneels down in front of me, his eyes clouded in worry.

"Elliot," I whisper. "You came back."

I feel my lips pull into a weak smile.

"No, Emmy."

Alec. Why does he have Alec's voice.

No.

Stop.

It can't be Alec.

It's Elliot.

I want him to be Elliot.

He's not.

My arm becomes jelly, my support for my body crumbling. I fall into the puddle that has pooled beneath me. I rest my head on my neatly folded arms, my senses returning as I listen to the world around me.

I listen to Alec's steady breaths.

Slowly calming my sobs.

I listen to the birds in the distance.

Their chirps tempting the rain that falls.

I listen to my heart beat.

Erratic.

I listen.

~~~
It's moments like this when I wish Elliot would never have left. If he had found me, freezing in the rain, he would've sat down beside me, and pulled me into his arms. We would've sat outside, neither of us freezing, because we had the warmth of each other.

He was different than most.

He was different like me.

We were different together.
~~~
I feel Alec's arms slip beneath my torso, slowly lifting me up. For the moment that he resembled Elliot, the world had undimmed, now, everything has retuned black and white. My legs work mindlessly beneath me as Alec supports my upper body.

We slowly trek back through the yard, pausing briefly to wait for the panel to slide open. Stepping inside, I mechanically shrug off my coat and shoes before falling back into Alec. He gently shuffles us toward the couch, moving as fast as he dares with my listless body clinging on for support.

Once there, I drop down into the soft material, curling inward. Outside, the tears medled with the rain. Inside they take the place of the liquid vapor.

"The rain is made in the clouds. Right now they are very small vapor droplets and when they condense they become heavy and fall down to us." Elliot's voice sings in my head.

I let out a hevay sigh.

The moment mere hours ago floods into my memory.

I told him that I loved him.

He didn't say anything back.

He smiled at me.

That was it.

He walked away from me.

He left.

Elliot's gone.