I dont know why I bother anymore. I'm pretty sure I have a personality disorder
That seems about right. I loved it when I was normal. I was living a normal life. "Normal" with a boyfriend, I wasn't a guy I was pretending to like porn and trying to act as feminine as possible.
Getting sucked into another life was pretty fun. But it wasn't me. I put on a mask and persona and every few weeks it seems I switch out a mask and pit on a slightly newer one. Or I just have bpd. why is everything so dramatic? This void is getting better. "Better" I just got number. Honestly, I dont know. When it comes to feelings I dont fucking know anymore. I dont think I kin light anymore, I just kin a shadow
Did you know energy never dies? We are energy. Immortality is scary but dying is equally as scary. Existence is futile. I used to defend its purpose by claiming there was a God. Now I dont believe in such, where does that lead me? I wish it led me into someone's arms. Cringy, cheesy, I dont care. To exist for someone else sounds quite submissive and odd since I'm not the submissive type, perhaps I exist to keep someone safe? Like a blanket or a pillow or stuffed animal they squeeze tight for comfort. Oh by the way, im playing daddy issues by the nieghbourhood at 9:03pm a day before the last day of 7th grade. Where did time go? My heart feels like its crumbling up like a piece of paper. I feel empty. I feel joy. I feel a tingle and some longing. It feels unbearable yet so calming. Fuck...
