Tied With You ✅

34. Distance

Beam's POV

I lost everything in a short span of time ..my parents , my unborn kids, and my husband, it was very difficult for me to cope with mama and Dada's death .but.forth was always there for me he skipped office to accompany me , sometimes I felt I am holding him back from his dreams, when I got to know about I am pregnant again ...a courage started to build up in me , I got a motivation to fight back but everything crashed when I lost my babies ..it was solely my fault I should have trusted my husband, I should have listen to him but damn hormones ...I know its not fully Forth's fault but he could have stayed with me instead of going to office leaving me alone in pain...I couldn't forgive Forth...My life again become like a blank page ....

I came back to my senses when Tine got into a small accident at that time I realised I am a worst mother, I am moaning for the kids which are not born but my living kids are suffering because of my negligence, at that day I tried to take care of Tae and Tine, five years.....today is the fifth death anniversary of my parents ...I never thought some day they will leave me like this

mamma ..............Mamma.......I heard Tine's voice from the back when I turned back my baby is running to me with his drawing

Mamma I draw this .........Tine told me while showing me the picture of our family , I saw he draw the picture of Forth....

Do i miss forth...yes I miss him...I miss his touches ....I wanted him to cuddle with me ...its been 2 years we are staying away from each other, every time when I open my eyes I expect to see Forth but he was no were.....after my miscarriage I and my kids came back to Vongviphan residence while forth stayed in our Penthouse ...he visited kids during weekends but that also reduced after sometime...Forth involved too much in his office work ..One day P Mark told me that he is now sleeping in office and not taking care of himself ....I wanted to go back and smack his head ..but I cant ..he don't want me ...I know I was angry with him ....but he never once tried to chase me ....I know first I talked with him with harsh tone that I don't want any amend with him I never thought he will take my words seriously and leave our relation ,we met last year on the twins birthday after that I never saw his face , sometimes ma Mary will come and took twins with her ....she also tried many times to talk with Forth but he closed of everyone like me.

I took over the MD position of Vongviphan Medical center Mamma always wanted me to took over the position when I become capable ....I know I closed of myself from Pha and Kit I don't want them to see me crying everyday ..I don't want anyone to know that how miserable my life is without Forth....I depressed after the death of my kids that's why talked to him harshly at that time ....when i came back from the depression I tried to talk with Forth but he always made a distance with me ...may be he fall out of love....Its still hurt so bad ....why is this happening may be god gave me a lot of happiness so now he want me to understand the meaning of loss ....but its too paining ...

Cold, arrogant my staff call me like that , I never pay attention to their rants , I know they are fed up with my behavior but what to do I cant show my real broken self to them.....sometimes Kit will snap at me ..its good to hear his rants ....but again my response was same to him also ....my friends also kept their distance with me ....my only source of happiness is my twins ...they make me happy ..they make me smile ...they make me forget the pain I am suffering ....

When I got the miscarriage the doctor told me that I am not able to conceive again, first i am a male second my womb have no power to keep a baby inside , even if I got pregnant the chances of survival of the fetus is less than 5% that made myself more depressed , I asked him to hide this from Forth and my family , i don't want them to find how miserable I am , I know we have two kids but Forth always wanted a girl child ..I was carrying our baby girl ....we lost her ....I cant give him any more kids ....that's one of reasons I am keeping my distance from him ..i know there are treatments if we want we can surrogate ...but I don't want that ...I want we have our own kids I wanted to pregnant again and feel everything that happen in 9 months ...now I know why mom was so over protective of me ..when I got to know I cant pregnant again my possessiveness towards my twins increased ...I always wanted every details of them even if they are staying with their Dad ..